“Oh my god, I am so sorry… I had no idea it was going to be that bad… Wow, is that ever so barn animal fresh and poignant - the air is so thick I can taste it! Like someone shit down my throat kind of taste it. Usually there’s a certain level of immunity to your own farts, but whoa, I’m really having a hard time coping. Maybe I’m sick? Fuck the doctor, I need a hospital to deal with the havoc wreaking in my bowels. This kind of fart just isn’t natural by any stretch of the imagination. It smells like I plowed through a bucket of rancid egg salad, chased it with curdled milk and let it brew for the afternoon. Let’s just prey that the almighty Jesus Christ our lord and savior will come in our desperate time of need and cleanse the air we breath. No? Not coming again today Jesus? I hardly believe lighting a match will do the trick this time. This may very well be the end everyone… this may be the end. Jesus if you aren’t coming – at least give myself and those struggling around me the strength to persevere and survive this shocking ordeal. Amen and hallelujah.”