We all get sucker punched into some sort of points or loyalty scheme at one point or another, but by far the biggest con job has to be gas station reward programs. Basically, become their mouth breathing degenerate lemming for the rest of your life and they’ll throw you scraps and crumbs, take the case of this DAZZLING new promotion at Petro-Canada…

The Alleged “Deal”

Get the Petro-Canada FUEL SAVINGS REWARD CARD that entitles you to a face smashing savings of 5 cents a litre off your gas purchases.

The Cold Hard Facts

When you fill up your gas tank at a Petro-Canada station, you get 5 points for every litre of regular gas. It takes 15,000 points (fifteen thoooouuuuusand points) to get the FUEL SAVINGS REWARD CARD.

Let’s Churn The Numbers

If the typical car has a 60 litre tank, and it costs $1.20 per litre of regular gas, then you’d need to fill every bloody drop of your tank, 50 fucking times, at a grand total of $3,600 to get the magical awe inspiring FUEL SAVINGS CARD.

The Puke Inducing Reality

Here’s the catch, once the FUEL SAVINGS CARD graces your wallet, you only get that 5 cent discount for 200 litres of gas. So for all that patronage and pulling that rewards card out of your ass at every fill up all spring, summer, fall and winter long, you save a whopping eye bulging total of $10, yes TEN FUCKING DOLLARS. That’s it my friends.

After you plow through that in about, oh two weeks tops, you can munch ass again and cough up another $2,800 worth of gas to renew this ridiculous clown card for another measly 200 litres of 5 cent discounts.

So the next time you think about cluttering your wallet with life dissolving reward cards like this one, do the math.