A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s Bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her. I’m going crazy! What do you think I should do?” “Relax…” says the Doctor, “Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s Bar?”

There once was a lass from Kilkenny,
whose usual price was a penny,
for half of that sum,
you could finger her bum,
and have money left over for Denny’s.

Derrick, 18 from Los Angeles writes…

My parents don’t approve of my new girlfriend, because she’s Latino. They keep telling me we’re above that, we shouldn’t be mingling with such people and so forth. She is an awesome girl, so happy with her, she makes me feel amazing, I don’t want to give her up. Her and I met at school and have been good friends for months, now we’re dating. My parents make it so difficult, I can’t have her over and if they know I’m going out to see her they demand I stay home. Are they right? Should I still see her or am I making a mistake.

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

Your parents are dead wrong… dead fucking wrong, and don’t ever let them convince you otherwise. Never make such decisions to satisfy others, parents included. If this girl makes you feel like a fucking superstar, rock on.

What have the discussions with your parents entailed? Are they simply emotionally charged debates and screaming matches; or have you honestly had a mature discussion highlighting the values and positive attributes of your girlfriend? You need to determine what their negative perceptions are, and build a strategy around conquering them.

To me it sounds like a childish demonstration of class elitism, in which case you need to highlight educational, financial or other equally moronic status symbols your girlfriend may possess. While you don’t give a shit about all that, drop kicking it at your stunningly shallow parents may lessen their heckling, as you’re speaking to them in terms they appreciate. Then if they allow slightly more leverage, they can have more exposure to her – and hopefully realize she isn’t some classless peasant, but in fact a pleasant person whom brings you happiness.

The incredible part of all this, is that your parent’s opinion of your girlfriend most likely stems from insecurities and concerns of their own status in society. Kind of like the fatty that’s always first to point out how fat other people are around them. It’s deflecting criticism from themselves to others. And since they are so concerned about the subject of class themselves, they are over sensitized to it in others. Amazing eh? A real learning experience for you, and a lesson in life you can take away to enhance and improve your own life and how you treat and view others.

You keep enjoying this girl Derrick, it really is a challenge to find someone who truly brings happiness.

That… is life.

There was a young gigolo named Bruno,
who said, “Screwing is one thing I do know.
While women are fine,
and sheep are divine,
llama’s are numero uno!”

An elderly man goes into a brothel and tells the madam he would like a young girl for the night. Surprised, she looks at the ancient man and asks how old he is. “I’m 90 years old,” he says. “90!” replies the woman. “Don’t you realize you’ve had it?” “Oh, sorry…” says the old man, “How much do I owe you?”

“Get this…” said the bloke to his mates “Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. “Did he get anything?” his mates asked. “Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk.”

Q. What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

A. Beef strokin’ off.

Q. Why are women like condoms?

A. They spend 90% of their time in your wallet, and 10% on your dick.

This guy visits the doctors and says, “Doc… I think I’ve got a sex problem. I can’t get it up for my wife anymore.” The doctor says, “Come back tomorrow and bring her with you.” The next day, the guy shows up with his wife. The doctor says to the wife, “Take off your clothes and lie on the table.” She does it, and the doctor walks around the table a few times looking her up and down. He pulls the guy to the side and says, “You’re fine. She doesn’t give me a hard on either.”