A lascivious monk from Dundee,
buggered a nun under a tree,
while deep in her ass,
he chanted High Mass,
and even the Pope came to see.

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Tommy.” replied the second. “My daddy’s an accountant. What does your daddy do for a living?” asked Billy. Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.” “Honest?” asked Billy. “No, just the regular kind”, replied Tommy.

Q. What did one sagging tit say the other?

A. If we don’t get some support soon, people will think we’re nuts!

Barbara was with her psychiatrist, Dr. Steinberg. Suddenly, she asked him “Will you kiss me?” Shocked, Dr. Steinberg replied abruptly “Certainly not! We must preserve a distance in this sort of relationship.”

“Well…” Barbara said, “Will you hold my hand?”

“Not even that,” Dr. Steinberg said. “It’s important that we keep this on a non-emotional basis.”

Barbara ponders for a moment then asks, “Will you at least tell me that you love me?”

“Try to understand…” Dr. Steinberg told Barbara, “I can’t kiss you, I can’t hold your hand, I can’t even tell you that I love you. We shouldn’t even be in bed together!”

There once was a pansy from Khartoum,
who brought a lesbian up to his room,
they argued all night,
over who had the right,
to do what, with which, and to whom.

Q. Why can’t women read maps?

A. Only the male mind can comprehend the concept of one inch equaling a mile.

A man goes to a shrink and says, “Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry’s Bar and picks up men. In fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her. I’m going crazy! What do you think I should do?” “Relax…” says the Doctor, “Take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry’s Bar?”

There once was a lass from Kilkenny,
whose usual price was a penny,
for half of that sum,
you could finger her bum,
and have money left over for Denny’s.