BP Twitter Feed Posted June 3rd, 2010 in Scathing Opinion

Under water robots lowering over-sized Mexican sombrero onto leak.
8:56 AM June 3rd via web

Bubble gum not holding, switching to Big League Chew.
11:29 AM May 26th via web

MacGyver on scene – was given paper clip, drinking straw and sparkle glue. Leak should be fixed shortly.
8:20 PM May 21th via web

Left message at Roto-Rooter emergency hot line, waiting for call back.
4:17 PM May 20th via web

Ultra absorbent tampon not holding leak, pulling string and re-strategizing.
12:29 PM May 18th via web

Big Gun Small Brain Video Posted June 2nd, 2010 in Hilarious Videos

My husband wants us to have a threesome! Posted June 2nd, 2010 in Dr Thatslife Advice

Cindy, 31 from St Louis writes…

My husband and I have been married for almost 5 years, have a beautiful 2 year old baby boy and are high school sweethearts. A month ago we were at a party and one of my long time friends, in a roundabout way, said she was curious about having a threesome with me and my husband. I dismissed the idea immediately, figuring she had a few too many to drink, but it recently came to light that my husband took the offer much more seriously than I did.

He believes it would “spice up our sex life”, but I am just completely uncomfortable with the idea. I have no desire to share an intimate encounter with another woman under any circumstance, particularly with my good friend of many years. Ever since, my husband has asked me about this a few times, even though I made it very clear I am not interested. Help Dr Thatslife, I wish my friend never said anything.

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

I think your hubby is forgetting what it would be like for him if the tables were turned. The very thought of another man with his cock and balls hanging there and a wife’s eager face ready to pounce, waving him in for some “sword crossing action” would leave your husband physically convulsing and retching in the aisles. So why should he expect any less of a response from yourself?

In all honesty, guys do have a tendency to fantasize about threesomes starring a couple of naked damsels and the cock master hero (themselves) single handedly quenching their insatiable sexual desires. Popular culture and porn have propagated the ideal that woman will gleefully tear each other’s clothes off and muff dive each other at the first sign of an opportunity. However reality obviously dictates a vastly different story that is much more in tune with your response to such an opportunity. Don’t get me wrong – threesomes certainly do happen aplenty, there is no shortage of stories out there, but not how the innuendo in the latest beer commercials would have you believe.

Your husband’s efforts to coerce you with repeated pleas are a testament to the strength of men’s fantasy to partake in threesomes. What he conveniently attempts to bypass are the sticky matters such as the harmful effect it would have between you and your friend, the jealousness that would sprout from the event, and ultimately how it abandons care for your well-being. “Spicing up your sex life” does not require stepping out of your sexual orientation, but rather exploring different components of your sexuality and diversifying your sexual experiences.

What he also conveniently overlooks is just how awkward such an experience can be. He’s envisioning the porn movie he watched where the guy’s showering the two naked girls with Champaign while they feast on each other and he’s finger banging them in perfect unison. In reality it would be an awkward and unnatural experience, particularly for you – in the onset, during and after the event – and he hasn’t spent two seconds thinking of it that way.

What should you do? Don’t feel obliged to go along with the idea. You need to make it implicitly clear that you “don’t go that way” and that he needs to respect your sexual boundaries. To concrete your point – set the scene by letting him visualize if it were a threesome involving another man. Either he’ll understand your “run for the hills” response, or you have bigger issues to worry about than you thought. LOL

That my dear, is life.

New Husband One Liner Posted June 1st, 2010 in One Liner Jokes

Q. What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

She Must Me Joke Posted May 31st, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

Bill pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, “My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!” “What makes you say that?” the bartender inquired. “Last week,” Bill explained, “I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman or mailman came by, she’d run down the driveway waving her arms and hollering, ‘My husband’s home! My husband’s home!’”

Small Dick Picture Posted May 28th, 2010 in Funny Pictures

She Wants A Lift From Work Each Day! Posted May 25th, 2010 in Dr Thatslife Advice

Ray, 33 from Massachusetts writes…

Alright Doc, I’ll keep this simple. I work in a lumber yard in a small town, have a car, and have long 12 hour shifts, and can‘t easily get breaks except lunch and a couple quick cigarette breaks. My girlfriend works in a drug store a few miles from where I work and about a 15-20 minute walk from her house. Each day she expects me to leave work to drive her home after her 7 hour shift and then come back to work. I’m getting in trouble for ducking out to do these drives, and I told me girl I couldn’t do it anymore. She was really pissed and made it seem like I don’t care about her. To make it worse, when in an argument about it I said “Maybe the walk would be good for you.” to her making it out that I thought she could use the exercise. Every day when I come by after work to see her she’s venting because she had to walk home. What the hell do I do to keep the peace?

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

Employment and maintaining your job in a small town is very important, and for you to jeopardize that for your lazy girlfriend would be ludicrous. She would not see it that way as she is so focused on her own needs and comfort. Not only that, but she has no sense or concept of what it is like to work a shift almost double the length of hers in the manual labor conditions of a lumber yard. Often such jobs can be brutally strict about “ducking out” to do personal errands as you‘re probably starting to realize. There are most likely dozens of other local people vying for your job, don’t give them a chance to snatch it from you, as losing your job would most likely be catastrophic.

Besides educating your girlfriend of these facts, she’s going to have to grow up and realize that she’s an adult woman that needs to get HERSELF to and from HER job, just as you have figured out how to do. If her job pay sucks, her commuting options will equally suck. Walk, roller blade or bike. Take your fucking pick, they all suck, that‘s life. Make a little more money? TA-DAAAA, you’ve been upgraded to monthly bus pass. Make even more money? Oh look! The almighty CAR option suddenly appears!

She interpreted your conversation about her “needing the walk” badly because she is conscious of the fact she does need to walk it, and not doing so is lazy. She probably hates her own laziness. This can hopefully serve as inspiration for her to build her career to a point where a car becomes financially feasible for her, if not, oh well! Whether by foot or half a dozen people hanging onto the back of a 50cc moped, billions of other people around the world have figured out how to get their asses to and from work each day. She’s just going to have to suck it up and join those ranks of self sufficient adults, because you giving in to her demands will help nobody.

That is most definitely, life.

Cabbages and Condoms Picture Posted May 24th, 2010 in Funny Pictures

Wife’s Knickers Joke Posted May 23rd, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon. “Shit!” said the first bloke, “As soon as I get home, I’m gonna rip the wife’s knickers off!” “What’s the rush?” his mate asked. “The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me.” the bloke replied.

Skank Slept Here Picture Posted May 21st, 2010 in Funny Pictures

« Previous Jokes   |   Next Jokes »