Happy and Sad Joke Posted August 6th, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She said, “You have the biggest penis of all your friends.”

Enjoying Sex Joke Posted August 2nd, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

At a session with their marriage counselor, the wife snaps at her husband “That’s not true! I do so enjoy sex!” Then, turning to the counselor, she explains “But this animal expects it four or five times a year!”

Stranded On An Island Joke Posted July 29th, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

A guy is stranded on an island with only a Doberman and a pig for company. There’s plenty of food and water, and the weather is beautiful, so he’s doing alright – but after a few months he gets lonely…

The pig starts to look more and more attractive - soft, pink flesh, round buttocks, etc. But every time this poor guy makes an advance towards the pig, the Doberman snarls at him and once almost bit his leg. Very frustrating.

One day the guy sees a speck on the horizon, so he swims out there and it turns out to be a dinghy, cast adrift, and in the bottom of the boat is a beautiful woman, unconscious. He drags her to shore and brings her into his hut and slowly nurses her back health. Finally she is well enough to walk and she says to him “Thank you, thank you for saving my life. I don’t know how I can ever repay you. I’ll do anything for you, anything, just name it.”

The guy thinks for a minute and says, “Would you mind taking my dog for a walk?”

Perfect Lover One Liner Posted July 27th, 2010 in One Liner Jokes

Q. What’s the definition of a woman’s perfect lover?

A. A man with a nine inch tongue who can breath through his ears.

Playing Doctor Joke Posted July 20th, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

After discovering her young daughter playing doctor with the neighbor’s boy, the angry mother grabbed the boy by the ear, dragged him to his house and confronted his mother. “It’s only natural for young boys and girls to explore their sexuality by playing doctor at their age.” the neighbor said. “Sexuality my ass!” The mother yelled. “He took out her appendix!”

She doesn’t want me to go on a trip! Posted July 19th, 2010 in Dr Thatslife Advice

Dan, 26 from St. Louis writes…

Me girl won’t let me go on a trip with the guys this summer, we all want to head to Vegas, the four of us for good times, but she’s giving me the gilt trip. The guys and I have been talking about this trip for a couple years, and wouldn’t want to miss it just because me girl is saying no. I ask her why and she’s all about how it’s dangerous there, I will get into trouble and meet other girls. I tell her I never done anything like that, so why she be thinking that way, I have only traveled once before and that was with family. We be going out for over a year, do I owe it to her to stay behind to make her feel better?

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

Fuck that… go on the bloody Vegas trip. She has zero rights to impede on a trip that you’ll fondly remember for the rest of your life, and a chance to really bond with your good friends. Trust me, 10 years from now, after everyone’s married, pumped out a few kids and swimming in debt and obligations, these types of opportunities will be slim to none – take them while you can. Tell her she is going to have to suck it up and trust you, no guilt trips, no downer conversations – your decision is final.

The “Vegas is dangerous” argument of hers is the pinnacle of bullshit, if you said she was invited along she’d be packed faster than the speed of light – guess it’s not so dangerous after all. You can get into plenty of “trouble” fucking around bored out of your mind at home with your friends, Vegas is a dumbed down tourist trap that millions of mouth breathers verging on retardation have navigated without trouble, you‘ll be just fine. Finally, the infidelity argument might be understandable, if she‘s insecure it will be a genuine concern of hers. But your track record has proven you are faithful and trustworthy, keep that rolling while you’re in Vegas. The last thing you need to do is nail some disease ridden lush bag hooker that crawled out from the darkest corner of the strip. There you go, strike three – she’s out and you’re on your way. Off you go buddy, don’t shit the bed on such a great chance, your girlfriend will survive JUST FINE a few days on her own.

That’s life man, enjoy it.

Rape Game Joke Posted July 16th, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

Husband says to his wife “Do you fancy playing the rape game?” Wife says, “No.” Husband replies “That’s the spirit!”

About My Wife Posted July 13th, 2010 in Twisted Humor

My wife doesn’t care what I do away from home, as long as I don’t enjoy it.

My wife has a split personality, and I hate both of them.

My other wife is beautiful.

My wife ran off with my best friend last week. I miss him!

My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.

Meth Lab Picture Posted July 10th, 2010 in Funny Pictures

Old Fellow Named Paul Limerick Posted July 8th, 2010 in Rude Limericks

There was an old fellow named Paul,
whose prick was exceedingly small,
when in bed with a lay,
he could screw her all day,
without touching her vaginal wall.

« Previous Jokes   |   Next Jokes »