The Wonderful World of Communications Posted September 20th, 2007 in Scathing Opinion

While wandering around the different land line and cell phone provider web sites to figure out which one would fuck me over the least, it really made me wonder about people’s needs and some of the claims people go by on these web sites. As you could imagine, cell phone providers were always the biggest fuck over ass reaming…

Why is my ear bleeding? 

I saw this little gem while cruising the Alltel Wireless web site. Anybody that needs 6,000 monthly minutes of air time ON TOP OF UNLIMITED EVENINGS, WEEKENDS AND MOBILE TO MOBILE CALLING spends WAYYYYY too much fucking time on their cell phone. Might as well stick your head in a 1200 watt microwave and cook for 10 minutes on high each month. For that matter, when would you have enough ‘off air’ time to even get your head into the microwave and push the screw driver into the safety latch? If there isn’t anyone that uses this plan, I love the idea that the cell phone company feels compelled to at least try and push you to the $200 A MONTH plan, JUST IN CASE you NEED 6,000 minutes! “GOD CURSE THIS 4,000 MINUTE PLAN, IT’S REALLY CRAMPING MY LIFESTYLE!!!”

Trade in your out dated widescreen LCD!

Saw this miracle of modern technology on the Rogers Wireless web site. I wanted to wretch when reflecting back on all those months of using my peasant-like 24″ LCD monitor when I could have been using the Sony Ericsson K790 cell phone with it’s whopping 2046×1536 screen resolution (which must be easy to fit into 2 inches of screen real estate) for all my computing and entertainment needs. Think of the spreadsheets! I better start getting those thumbs of mine into shape. I just yearn for the sensation of lying in bed watching block buster movies on it’s saliva inducing 2 inch screen, and falling asleep afterwards with a small glowing square etched into my retinas from feverishly squinting into my glowing cell phone’s screen trying to make out the close-ups on my favorite star’s tits.