Memoirs of a Bus Passenger Posted May 10th, 2009 in Scathing Opinion

There is not a more desirable experience than commuting on the bus, take the vivid memories of my trip the other day…

“I peer inconspicuously around me at my fellow passengers. Inhaling the rich aroma of what is either my neighbouring passenger’s breath, the precursor to a bowel movement or both. The lady standing besides me emits a delicate fragrance of cheap and offensive perfume, the gentlemen several rows back envelops the rear quarter of the bus with his unapologetically abrasive cologne. I take such delight with my involuntary participation in the conversation a large heavy set woman near the front of the bus is having with her cell phone, several dozen decibels louder than a space shuttle lift off.

I’m only hoping and praying that the person in front of me could eat that apple even more loudly… I want to hear the churning of apple bits in their mouth; the barn animal like lip smacking; and that desirable mouth breathing while devouring the more arduous apple chunks. Yes, please close that window, it’s a beautiful summer day outside and we wouldn’t want to accidentally expose ourselves to fresh non-recalculated air that isn’t a combination of several dozen people’s poor body and dental hygiene. That woman’s child is screaming so loudly and uncontrollably, I can only guess as to how much their next door neighbours must savour their very existence. All-in-all I wish each bus trip I have is as much of a delight as this time, one can only hope.”