The Incredible Moment of Victory Posted October 25th, 2007 in Scathing Opinion

There are only a handful of moments in one’s life that truly stand out as incredible, possibly even a miracle. Mine was when I discovered the other day that the box of Frosted Flakes I had in my shopping cart came with a FREE DVD on how to play better hockey.  I sprinted to the express checkout, knocking people to the way side, and purchased the box of cereal. I was so excited I was ripping the box open before even leaving the store to get at the DVD.

With it in my shaking hands, my eyes perused its beauty. It was, a beautiful moment, poetic in every sense of the word. Until it suddenly dawned on me… “I don’t know how the fuck to use this thing?” Distraught and lacking the will to live, I dropped to the floor still clinging to the DVD. Like a mother weeping over the expired body of her lifeless only child, I lay there in the front lobby of the supermarket in despair, thinking where the closest bridges were.

A woman who was passing by knelled down and asked “Excuse me sir, are you OK?”. To which I replied with a sobbing voice, “No… My dreams and ambitions are in ruins because I don’t know how to use this DVD!”

I reluctantly allowed the woman to take it from my grasp and examine it. After carefully looking at the front, then back cover she suddenly exclaims “Oh my goodness, you’re saved! Look on the back… it tells you exactly how to use it. It says ‘Insert hockey skills DVD into your DVD player and press play.’”

“Whaa? I… Really?” I eagerly retrieved the DVD from her hands, “My god you’re right! You’re RIGHT! I’m saved!” With tears welling up in my eyes I said in a wavering voice “THANK YOU kind stranger, I can only repay you with the blessings of a thousand prayers!”

I stood up, brushing myself off, wiped my tears away and triumphantly walked onward. The automatic doors opened out onto the parking lot as I took a deep breath and shouted “SCORE!!!”. Flailing my arms in the air, again I yelled… “SCORE!!!”.