Bruno, 37 from Queens, New York writes…

I don’t even know where to start. But basically, 3 years back I met a waitress at a bar one night, took her back home, we had sex and we now have a 2 year old son. Her and I have been in and out of each other’s lives over the past year, fighting one week and being somewhat cordial the next. Needless to say it has been a very rocky relationship, but we’ve tried our best to hang in there for our son.

Then recently a very unexpected problem has come up… she has gone the drug route. I caught her doing heavy lines of coke off a counter at a house party she didn’t expect me to show up at. I was shocked and sickened by the whole thing. That was a few weeks ago, and no matter how I approach the topic she refuses to talk about it. I got in touch with her friends and they verified that she has been like that for the past few months. I totally had no idea man. She has custody of our child, and won’t give him up. I want to take full custody, it won’t be easy for me, but it’s the only way I can protect him from all of this. She won’t give him up, what can I do and how should I help to rehabilitate her?

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

Wow, that’s a rough story, even rougher than having the name Bruno! It’s the kind of three years of hell you would watch in a movie, but never expect yourself to be living. Let’s skip through the past few years and address the immediate issue at hand… her life is about to rapidly disintegrate into shit, and your child shouldn’t be part of that horrifically tragic experience. She will shortly move into the phase of self absorbed misery and substance addiction in which the welfare of your child will become second to fueling a habit.

Bruno… essentially when the mother becomes a fucking junkie, the term “our son” becomes “your son” until she gets her fucking act together. When she’s hopped up on coke, your son essentially doesn’t have a mother. Which means you need to do everything in your power, legal or otherwise to obtain custody of your child. Even if she claims to only be doing drugs outside of the home, it doesn’t matter. It is stunning just how much children absorb from the atmosphere around them, even at such a young age. They are much more influential and perceptive than you could even begin to imagine. Being around a drug addict emits such awful energy and emotional chaos, you do not have a choice in this matter Bruno. You have to act swiftly, and do so with determination.

Start by becoming informed as to what your options are, narrow down the options available to you that would render the best results, and then begin researching the fuck out of each option. For example, court would most likely be one of those options. In which case, heavily research pertaining laws, case law, and everything else you can get your hands on. The Internet is a miracle at getting basic information and helping to build a foundation of understanding and support from others. Seek advice from professionals, support groups, government counseling services, help lines, you name it. Don’t be afraid of getting out there and arming yourself to the fucking teeth with knowledge and being proactive. It is just so easy to just curl up into a fucking ball and assume because she said “No you can’t have him.” that you’re fucked, but that is rubbish. This is the difference between your son growing up normal, and being a fucking train wreck.

I feel for you bro. This is when the saying “Where there’s a will there’s a way.” not only comes into play, but should be your mantra until victory. As for rehabilitating her… some half-ass at home attempt will be useless, she needs professional treatment in a controlled environment, and only she can make that a reality. All you can do is point her in the right direction. Take care of your son Bruno, he needs you now more than ever.

That’s life.