Matthew, 21 from Montana writes…

While my girlfriend of just over a year is cool, her friends seem really promiscuous. My girlfriend and her friends are always hitting the clubs, getting back home very late or sometimes all through the night. My girlfriend tells me about all the guys her friends bring home each time and fool around with, but my girlfriend assures me she never does anything. Lately she goes out so much to the clubs, like 3 to 4 times almost every week, and never invites me along. I am starting to wonder what is happening when I’m not there. She always says “It’s a girl’s night” making it hard for me to ask why I’m never invited to anything, I haven’t even met most of her friends. Give me the goods Dr Thatslife.

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

It’s a “Girls Night” because it’s harder to whore yourself out when there’s a chaperone.

Friends of girlfriends are a good indicator of their own personality and behaviors. They often exhibit the qualities in a girlfriend that guys don’t get to see when in the restrained and filtered “girlfriend” mode. Does it sound reasonable that while her drunken friends are grinding anything with a heartbeat on the dance floor your girlfriend is sitting on the sidelines sipping lemon tea? You can’t honestly tell me that out of a group of hoe-bags, your girlfriend happens to be the innocent and proper princess?

Her friend’s lifestyles and values have attracted her to them, so to assume she is excluding herself out of some of their most defining activities would be foolish. There are obviously enough red flags popping up right now that you’ve begun to rightfully worry. It’s a careful balancing act for you. On one hand you want to respect her freedom and not be that asshole overbearing jealous boyfriend; on the other you don’t want to be taken advantage of and constantly be in a state of worry that your girlfriend’s getting pumped by scores of semi-retarded venereal disease riddled men courtesy of the local nightclubs.

I’d ask her straight up, and in person (not over the phone), why you have never been invited to anything and why most of her friends most likely don’t even know you exist after a year of being together. Watch carefully her facial expressions, whether her eyes are darting around, the words she chooses, her body language responses, fidgeting, whether she’s rambling on, changing the subject, and attempts to deflect the allegations. Tell her how the whole thing makes you feel, you’ve been patient enough, you have a right to ask what the fuck is going on. Don’t give her ultimatums or anything that will make her defensive, just give her your thoughts and let her naturally explain her side of things.

If you really listen to your gut feeling as she talks, you should know whether boundaries were broken. Then act on your gut response – getting a queasy feeling and ignore it makes the whole exercise pretty fucking pointless.

That’s life bro.