Alison, 26 from Calgary, Alberta writes…

My boyfriend of half a year and I have been fighting a lot, usually about stupid things. Last week when we were arguing about where to go out on Friday night he got so angry he pulled the clock radio beside our bed out of the wall and threw it at me hitting me on the side of the head. He apologized and tried to make me feel better, but I was shook up. He kept telling me that his past got the best of him and that he was abused when he was younger. He told me it wouldn’t happen again. Honestly I was feeling for a while like he was going to do something like this and it finally happened. Two nights ago we were in another argument and he grabbed my hand and bent it back, it really hurt, I’m not sure if maybe I deserved it. Again, he said he wouldn’t ever do anything like that, and this time he seemed sincere about not hurting me again. Do I believe him? Please help me on this one.

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

Seriously, if every time you two are pissy about some trivial matter and he’s so enraged that you’re flinching like an abused dog, it’s time to get the fuck out of there. Whatever physical or psychological abuse he sustained when younger doesn’t grant him a license to pick up random household objects and hurl them at your head.

When fights are happening often and are progressing into more violent occurrences, you really need to ask yourself “Why the fuck do I need this in my life?” There isn’t anything he can do in the times he’s not throwing things at you and verbally abusing you to make up for any of this. And his assurances that he will abstain from this behavior, we both know, are a total farce. He’s already demonstrated that to you.

Your instinctive response as a woman to your boyfriend’s tumultuous past may be of sympathy and to mother him (the mother bird taking in the injured hatchling into her nest); but this is a battle he needs to deal with himself. Don’t feel obliged to be his life support, it is not your responsibility, you owe him nothing. You’re only at the half year mark in your relationship and he’s already pulling these stunts. What’s going to happen with your next fight? Could be just a minor domestic spat… or you could be in the hospital with your appendages in a pile on the table beside you – you just don’t fucking know.

The only great thing to come out of these fights where he clocks you (quite literally) and purposely inflicts pain on you, is that it gives you an actionable motive to break it off with him. This guy will continue to fill your life with bullshit turmoil, grief, noise and mounting abuse that you can do without. Breaking up with him on the phone will suffice, keep it brief, be firm and don’t accept pleas for “another chance”. Make sure that parents, friends and others close to you are aware of what’s happening in case he decides to handle the situation less than gracefully. And for fuck’s sake don’t hesitate to get police involved at the first sight of “loony bin” behavior from this guy.

You may have been attracted to such an individual because of your own insecurities and emotional weaknesses. So walk away from this train wreck; take time to build up your confidence, gain self worth and clear your mind; and seek someone who respects you and whom contributes a positive influence into your life.

Best of luck, Thats life!