Jokes Palace

Tourist From Bulgaria Joke

Jerkoff — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 20:37:05 +0000

A tourist from Bulgaria visits the United States on his first overseas trip. Upon arrival at the Immigration desk, he is visibly puzzled filling out his visa application. The immigration officer looks over the man’s shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write “Twice a week” into the small space labeled “SEX”.

The officer explains “No, no, no… that isn’t what we mean by this question. We are asking ‘Male’ or ‘Female’.”

“Does it matter?” the tourist answers.

True Meanings

Jerkoff — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 08:02:36 +0000

Statement: “I’m a Romantic.”
True Meaning: “I’m poor.”

Statement: “You’re the only girl I’ve ever cared about.”
True Meaning: “You’re the only girl who hasn’t rejected me.”

Statement: “I really want to get to know you better.”
True Meaning: “So I can tell my friends about it.”

Statement: “She’s kinda cute.”
True Meaning: “I wouldn’t kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary.”

Statement: “I don’t know if I like her.”
True Meaning: “She won’t sleep with me.”

Statement: “Was it good for you?”
True Meaning: “I’m insecure about my manhood.”

Statement: “I had a wonderful time last night.”
True Meaning: “Who are you?”

Statement: “Do you love me?”
True Meaning: “I’ve done something stupid and you’re likely to find out.”

Statement: “How much do you love me?”
True Meaning: “I’ve done something really stupid and someone’s on their way to tell you by now.”

Statement: “I have something to tell you.”
True Meaning: “Get tested.”

Statement: “I’ve been thinking a lot.”
True Meaning: “You’re not as attractive as when I was drunk.”

Statement: “I think we should just be friends.”
True Meaning: “Frankly, you’re ugly.”

Statement: “I’ve learned a lot from you.”
True Meaning: “Next!!!”

Statement: “I’m on a long distance call, can you call me later?”
True Meaning: “I need to turn on my answering machine.”

800 Posts Anniversary, What-the-fuck!

Jerkoff — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 17:29:16 +0000

All I remember is stumbling out of a bar and collapsing into a gutter. A month passes and I awake in the fetal position, remembering only kicks and jabs from the occasional curious passerby. It was at this moment, while examining my frozen vomit stained sweater, that I recalled owning a joke site needing one more post to celebrate its 800 posts anniversary. Damn it, the web site was beckoning me to get back in the driver’s seat and start farting out new material. Fuzzy headed and languishing in the aftermath of a drunken orgy, I have devised the next chapter of Jokes Palace.

Invisible Tape Picture

Jerkoff — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 17:19:35 +0000

Virgin Old Maid Joke

Jerkoff — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 19:18:33 +0000

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:

“Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin.”

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the bastards they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote “Returned unopened.”

Girl Named Sapphire Limerick

Jerkoff — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 10:22:00 +0000

There was a young girl named Sapphire,
who succumbed to her lover’s desire,
she said “It’s a sin,
but now that it’s in,
could you shove it a few inches higher?”

Lost My Virginity Picture

Jerkoff — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 01:49:23 +0000

The Orgasm One Liner

Jerkoff — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 22:58:35 +0000

Q. Why did God create the orgasm?

A. So women can moan even when they’re happy.

Lost Grandson Joke

Jerkoff — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 15:55:33 +0000

A small grandson that was shopping with his grandfather got lost in the mall.

The boy approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”

The guard asked, “What’s his name?” The boy replied, “Grandpa.”

The guard smiles, then asks “What’s he like?” to which the little tyke hesitated for a moment and replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.”

Girl From Hong Kong Limerick

Jerkoff — Sat, 26 Nov 2011 08:17:58 +0000

There was a young girl from Hong Kong,
whose cervical cap was a gong,
she said with a yell,
as a shot rang her bell,
“I’ll give you a ding for a dong!”