A miserably married guy decides he needs some companionship, so he goes to the local pet store. The salesman says, “I have the perfect pet for you… a toothless hamster.” The guy says, “Nah, I don’t think so.” The salesman continues his sales pitch, “But it gives great head!” The guy agrees to buy the hamster and takes it home. Later that evening, his wife returns home and upon seeing the hamster screams, “What the hell is that thing?” The guy replies, “Never mind what it is. Teach it to cook and then get the fuck out.”