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Dirty Jokes

Ashamed of Wife Joke

Posted October 24th, 2012 at 9:23 am in Dirty Jokes

I was walking down the street with my wife earlier when she accused me of being ashamed to be seen with her. “That’s total bollocks” I replied, by text, from across the road.



One Liner Jokes

Gynecologist Scare Joke

Posted October 22nd, 2012 at 3:50 am in One Liner Jokes

Q. How does a woman scare a gynecologist?

A. By becoming a ventriloquist!



Dirty Jokes

Track Team Steroids Joke

Posted October 7th, 2012 at 3:00 am in Dirty Jokes

The ambitious coach of a girls track team gives the squad steroids. The team’s performance soars. They win the county, state and eventually national championship. A few days before the international grand finals, Penelope, a 16-year-old hurdler visits her coach and says, “Coach, I have a problem. Hair is starting to grow on my chest.” “What?” the coach says in a panic, “How far down does it go?” Penelope replies, “Down to my testicles. That’s something else I want to talk to you about.”



All Time Favorites

Champion Car Performance Enhancements

Posted October 5th, 2012 at 5:41 am in All Time Favorites

Want to be the undisputed performance king of the road? These car enhancements will take that tired early 2000’s Dodge Neon or similar car and transform it into that unrelenting beast others will envy for all of eternity. It has been achieved by others (as a trip to the local strip mall proves), now you too can be the talk of the town.

Start with a base 2003 Dodge Neon with 132hp then add…

Raw Horse Power

  • Decals featuring random Japanese performance tuning company logos, use several (+5hp per sticker)
  • Muffler with sound cognizant of a reverberating fart and the appearance of an apple juice can (ultra +30hp gain)
  • Non-functional hood scoop (+40hp performance boost)
  • Adhesive stick-on side air intakes (+15hp per side from improved air flow)

Performance Handling

  • Assorted rear view mirror ornaments to improved driving precision
  • Painting non-Brembo brake calipers red to obtain Brembo equivalent breaking
  • Non-functional boost gauges take your vehicle to the max
  • Imitation carbon fiber hood for light weight agility
  • Retina incinerating ultra-intensity aftermarket blue headlights

Efficiency

  • After market racing spec gas cap door for improved fuel containment (+10mpg)
  • Side window wind deflectors (+5mpg improvement per window)

Security

  • Knight Rider swooping lights on dash – Kitt is protecting your investment 24/7
  • Alarm system featuring circa 1980′s multi-pattern audible warning, ultra sensitivity proximity sensor and remote disarm keychain
  • Chain license plate surround with scrolling LED screen, let them know who’s the man

And there you have it… the blueprint for transforming a $1,980 car with 132hp into a 300+hp mechanical masterpiece, all without touching a single engine part! Truly a ballistic missile of power. Drive on young champion!



Funny Pictures

For Seal Picture

Posted October 2nd, 2012 at 11:39 pm in Funny Pictures

For Seal





 


Text Messages

 
Trevor (Jan 06):

Take off those stupid fucking white rimmed sunglasses you shithead.



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