The mortician calls Mrs. Smith, and says, “Excuse me Mrs. Smith, but I can’t seem to close the lid to your husband’s coffin due to his enormous erection.” To which she replies, “Why don’t you cut it off and stick it up his ass? That’s the only hole in town it hasn’t been in.”

Q. What did the deaf, dumb, blind, downs syndrome, quadriplegic baby get for christmas?

A. Cancer

There once was a lass called Louise,
who’s cunt smelt like Limburger Cheese,
she leaked so much grunge,
that she purchased a sponge,
that sopped up the muck to her knees.