Q. Why did God create the orgasm?

A. So women can moan even when they’re happy.

A small grandson that was shopping with his grandfather got lost in the mall.

The boy approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”

The guard asked, “What’s his name?” The boy replied, “Grandpa.”

The guard smiles, then asks “What’s he like?” to which the little tyke hesitated for a moment and replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.”

There was a young girl from Hong Kong,
whose cervical cap was a gong,
she said with a yell,
as a shot rang her bell,
“I’ll give you a ding for a dong!”

Sex with 3 people is called a threesome.
Sex with 2 people is called a twosome.
That explains why they call you handsome!

An officer shouted orders to a nearby soldier. With considerable bravery, the soldier ran directly onto the field of battle, in the line of fire, to retrieve a dispatch case from a dead soldier. In a hail of bullets, he dove back to safety. “Private…” the officer said, “I’m recommending you for a medal of bravery. You risked your life to save the locations of our secret warehouses.”

“Warehouses!?” the soldier shouted. “I thought you said whorehouses!”

Q. Why didn’t the man report his stolen credit card?

A. The thief was spending less then his wife.

There once was a lady from Reno,
who lost all her cash playing keno,
so she laid on her back,
opened her crack,
and now she owns the casino.

A young couple got married and went on their honeymoon. When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

“Well…” said her mother, “How was the honeymoon?”

“Oh, mamma!” she replied, “The honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic…”

Suddenly she burst out in tears. “But mamma, as soon as we returned, Tom started using the most horrible language – things I’d never heard before! I mean, all these awful four letter words! You’ve got to take me home… PLEASE MAMMA!”

“Sarah, Sarah…” her mother said, “Calm down! You need to stay with your husband and work this out. Now tell me, what could be so awful? What four letter words did he say?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, Mamma!” wept the daughter, “I’m so embarrassed they’re just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!”

“Darling, baby, you have to tell your mother these horrible four letter words.”

Still sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, Mamma … he used words like: dust, wash, iron, cook…”

“I’ll pick you up in twenty minutes.” said the mother.