One dismal rainy night, a taxi driver spotted an arm waving from the shadows of an alley halfway down the block. Even before he rolled to a stop at the curb, a figure leaped into the cab and slammed the door. Checking his rear view mirror as he pulled away, he was startled to see a dripping wet, naked woman sitting in the back seat. “Where to?” he stammered. “Union Station,” answered the woman. “You got it,” he said, taking another long glance in the mirror. The woman caught him staring at her and asked, “Just what the hell are you looking at, driver?” The driver replies, “Well ma’am, I noticed that you’re completely naked, and I was just wondering how you’ll pay your fare.” The woman spread her legs, put her feet up on the front seat, smiled at the driver and said, “Does this answer your question?” Still looking in the mirror, the cabbie asked, “Got anything smaller?”

Q. What’s the the definition of a vagina?

A. The box a penis comes in.

Andrea, 31 from Fort Worth, Texas writes…

I keep telling my boyfriend he should have supplies around the house in case an emergency happens. He thinks I’m crazy. It’s not like I’m all over him about it, but I’ve mentioned it a few times over the years and I wish he’d take it seriously. I have a pantry full of supplies in the basement and it’s good to know it’s there. World seems so crazy lately and I want him to be prepared, just in case. Am I being overzealous with the whole readiness thing Dr Thatslife?

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

Nope, you are rightfully concerned. The general populous is woefully under prepared physically, mentally, financially and materially for even the most minor of emergencies. When you hear of highways coming to a stop because of natural disasters or trucks flipping over and within hours people stuck on those highways are requiring medical attention for anxiety attacks, dehydration, heart attacks, people shitting themselves and a laundry list of other medical conditions – it’s stunning. No they aren’t in the middle of a fire; their car hasn’t fallen into the ground rupture from an earthquake; their car isn’t submerged in several feet of water – they’re just sitting in a car on a road. That’s it. What a bunch of fucking lightweights. How could someone be so poorly equipped, so physically out of shape and mentally so ill prepared to cope with even the slightest of alterations from their daily routine of consumption and entertainment. It’s un-fucking-believable.

To be fair, the vast majority of the people that make up this generation haven’t had to contend with any real tangible level of hardship or disaster. The problem is that this creates rampant complacency. Average households have fuck-all in terms of water, food, cash reserves, medical supplies, or even a fucking flashlight with batteries from this century. What’s most painful to see, is how people have let themselves physically turn to shit. They’re incapable of survival outside of the exact parameters of their exercise devoid life. Think of the last time you watched a typical overweight couple struggle to climb a single flight of stairs – then envision them coping with a catastrophic emergency. What a mess.

As for mental and emotional readiness… at the first sign of disaster, everyone would be curled up into a ball of hopelessness, waiting for someone to rescue them. People are too dependent on the concept of others coming to bail them out of situations – when in reality those anticipated saviors won’t be anywhere in sight when a major “holy shit” event occurs. Look to recent regional disasters for proof of that.

This lack of readiness is also the product of smaller living quarters for some. If you’re living in a 480sq ft studio apartment downtown Manhattan, then space for the Murphy bed will win over the 10 gallon water jugs and cases of meat ration. It’s a difficult balance when living in small footprints, the compromises are tough even for daily living items, let alone planning for a disaster that seems unlikely to ever occur. However, not having anything at all leaves you with exactly that – zero capacity to sustain yourself.

To sum it up – if there was a major disaster, everyone would be eating dirt within a week. So I can COMPLETELY understand your stance. HOWEVER, it’s his life, and if he wants to eat dirt, that’s up to him. You’ve provided him with the knowledge, now it’s up to him what he does with it. He’s looking at the odds of a disaster, and he’s playing the game. Besides, he knows where the emergency supplies really are… your place! LOL!!! Good luck.

That’s definitely life.

There once was a queer from Khartoum,
who took a lesbian up to his room,
they spent the whole night,
in a hell of a fight,
over who should do what, and to whom!

Q. Why don’t witches wear panties when flying on their broomsticks?

A. Better traction.

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, “Honey, I bet you can’t tell me something that will make me happy and sad at the same time.”

She said, “You have the biggest penis of all your friends.”

At a session with their marriage counselor, the wife snaps at her husband “That’s not true! I do so enjoy sex!” Then, turning to the counselor, she explains “But this animal expects it four or five times a year!”