Wonder Bra One Liner Posted June 29th, 2010 in One Liner Jokes

Q. Why is it called a Wonder Bra?

A. When she takes it off, you wonder where her tits went.

He Wants Me To Have Sex With Other Men! Posted June 24th, 2010 in Dr Thatslife Advice

Miranda, 20 from Taylorsville, Utah writes…

I got married a year ago, and within a whole year of being married I feel like I’ve been put in a corner I don’t want to be in. I feel my husband is so addicted to pornography that it’s ruining our relationship. I don’t mind him looking at porn, but he has tried to convince me time and time again to hook up sexually with other men. He tells me constantly that he wants me to go have sex with several men before I go home. It has gotten so bad that during sex he will try to make me promise that I will go hook up as soon as possible. This has made me completely not want to have sex at all ever. I’ve tried to talk to him about how bad it truly bothers me but he does not care. What do I do?

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

I think you’re confusing the issues Miranda… What does your husband wanking off to Internet porn have to do with him pimping you out to random neighborhood men? He may or may not have a porn addiction, but that is a totally separate issue to what I can only imagine to be prostitution. Whether you’re aware of it or not, odds are high he’s trying to sell your “services” to these other men as a way to make some cashola. How else could you explain a husband lining up a bunch of drooling perverts to fuck his wife?

You need to get out of this situation, pronto. Not only is this unhealthy mentally, but the consequences of following through with his desires would be life altering, Miranda. It would profoundly affect you mentally and physically, and he doesn’t seem to give a shit. If you succumb to his requests, and hit the sack with a few men, you would become so demoralized he would literally have a chokehold on you. There wasn’t anything in your consultation about this, but I assume he’s most likely controlling and manipulative in many other ways as well.

I really hate to say it, but if you’ve been dealing with this since the beginning of your marriage, he may very well have married you in the hopes of using you for prostitution or some other similarly fucked up intention. Normal loving couples don’t eagerly persuade each other to get their brains fucked out by strangers – this is NOT a normal part of a marriage, no matter what he tells you. Even if I’m wrong and this has nothing to do with cashing in, and it’s just his jolly friends that want to fill your orifices with their cum, it’s still incredibly wrong.

You need to stand up for yourself, give him a final assertive, non-negotiable “NO” on having sex with other men, and if he doesn’t respect your request you need to immediately start building an action plan to exit the relationship. Source friends, relatives and help groups as your support network; build a cash reserve however you can so you can be self sustaining, and so forth. You need to do this now, not a year from now when you’ve pumped out a child and built other encumbrances and ties to him that would make it more difficult for you to leave. You need to do this NOW.

That’s life.

When I Drink Picture Posted June 23rd, 2010 in Funny Pictures

Farmer and the Friend Joke Posted June 22nd, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

A farmer goes in half with a friend to buy a bull so he can increase his stock. A couple weeks later the friend comes by to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won’t look at the cows. His friend suggests a veterinarian should have a look at the bull. The following week his friend returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks delighted, “The bull has not only taken care of all my cows, but also broke through the fence, and even serviced all my neighbor’s cows!” “Wow!” exclaims his friend, “What did the vet do to that bull?” The farmer replies, ”Just gave him some pills.” “What kind of pills?” asks his friend. “I don’t know, but they kinda taste like peppermint.”

The Best Haircut Picture Posted June 18th, 2010 in Funny Pictures

Divorced Barbie One Liner Posted June 16th, 2010 in One Liner Jokes

Q. Did you hear about the new “divorced” Barbie doll in stores now?

A. It comes with all of Ken’s stuff.

My boyfriend wants a gas guzzling car! Posted June 14th, 2010 in Dr Thatslife Advice

Sandy, 22 from Airdrie, Alberta writes…

Me and my boyfriend have been steady for close to 3 years. He has had two different cars during those years, and is now interested in buying another. My problem is he always buys gas guzzling sports cars with big engines, and I don‘t agree with this. When he told me about the high performance car he was seriously considering this time, I told him I was uncomfortable with his decision because the car is an environmental abomination. He won’t take me seriously, and no matter what I say it has no influence on what he wants to buy. I do my part by recycling and other conscious decisions, I think he should be thoughtful of his environmental footprint too, but he has shown no interest in caring no matter how many times I bring it up. How can I persuade him to make the right decision?

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

Oh pull out the violin why don’t you? The guy is obviously a motor head and fast cars are his hobby, why don’t you leave the fucking guy alone? I’d LOVE to see your lack luster half baked list of environmental efforts. Lots of talk and “consciousness” with next to zero achievements under your belt. Oh look, you recycle your pop bottles, WOW! Installed a low flush toilet? Holy shit Batman! Bought a compact car with the power of a windup toy (because you couldn‘t afford a better one)? Whoop-dee-doo Sandy. You‘re my fucking hero.

You may think you’re some champion savoir of the planet – but I bet the shirt off my back you do fuck all for the environment beyond whatever has the least amount of impact to your personal comfort and convenience. If you really did what it took to make a considerable difference, you’re life wouldn’t even REMOTELY resemble its current form. The changes would be so radical you’d be sucking your thumb, crying yourself to sleep each night. Companies want you to think that just because you bought their “reduced packaging” clothes detergent or bought an Energy Star big screen TV that the world has been saved, but they’re all empty gestures that amount to a spectacular cavalcade of bullshit. What I mean by all this Sandy, is if you’re going to be pestering and imposing on others about your supposed views, walk the fucking walk.

I find it fascinating the only effort you can attest to doing is recycling, something everyone has been doing for the past 20-something years. Farts from the cows that hectares of land had been clear-cut for that make up those burgers you shovel into your gullet harm the world just as much or more than whatever car your boyfriend decides to buy and cruise around with.

“How can I persuade him”? Persuade him with what? Dangle the idea of some hack car with a hairdryer engine he can show off to all his car enthusiast friends? Wow, great… you really know how to let a guy enjoy his youth and manhood. I can just imagine the other ways you impede on his enjoyment. Not every guy has the privilege of a hobby they’re passionate about; DON’T give him the guilt trip on what makes him happy. You live in a small town, I can’t imagine there’s much (if anything) to do, don’t take away what keeps his sanity. Otherwise you’ll end up with one grumpy motherfucker – and rightfully so. Can I be any clearer on this Sandy? Leave him the fuck alone.

If you want to go on an environmental crusade, that is fine, I respect that. But just like religious nuts, you can’t force your views on others. You have no right to. They will make the decisions that you were allowed to make at your own time, on their own. Wow, I feel a lot better after that tirade.

That’s life.

Who Needs Drugs Picture Posted June 11th, 2010 in Funny Pictures

Doctor and Wife Joke Posted June 8th, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

A doctor and his wife were having a huge argument at breakfast. “You aren’t so good in bed either!”, he shouted and stormed off to work. By mid morning, he decided he’d better make amends and called home. “What took you so long to answer the phone?” The wife responds, “I was in bed.” Puzzled the doctor asked “What were you doing in bed this late?” To which the wife replied, “Getting a second opinion.”

College Party Evidence Picture Posted June 4th, 2010 in Funny Pictures

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