Girlfriend Caught Me Looking At Other Girl! Posted March 29th, 2010 in Dr Thatslife Advice

Jeremy, 25 from Queens, New York writes…

Me and my girl were out at the mall two weeks ago. There were some fine women walking around but I was keeping cool when we were walking around. Out of nowhere a girl with legs like a damn stripper was walkin’ past and I had to check them out. Well, my girl caught me checkin’ those legs and I’ve been in the dog house ever since. We talking two weeks of her nagging and bitching me about I looked and how she saves herself for me and would never do such things. Is this gonna stop or did I do myself in? She’s hot, so I wasn’t dissing her when I looked at the girl. Doc, I keep telling her it ain’t nothing but she ain’t playin that game. I only date the girl 3 months, what the hell Doc?

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

Right off the bat, saying that she’s saving herself for you and that she would never look at another guy is total crackling oats and straw horse shit. Like biblical proportions, freak of nature horse shit that has the farmer closing off the stable for repairs and restoration work. It is absolutely absurd a 20’s something girl is claiming she isn’t checking out other guys. I would put a stop to this moronic two week display of foolishness just on those grounds alone. She sounds stunningly and stupendously immature.

When she’s out with her girlfriends she’s looking at guys walking past like they’re ripe slabs of dick meat, don’t let her convince you otherwise. Not only that, she wouldn’t survive a day without breaking down in a river of tears if strange men in public spaces weren’t leering at her own goodies. Look at her, is she dressed up like a fucking nun or does she have her tits and ass falling out of her skimpy little fuck me clothes? I thought so. Do you honestly think that’s all just for you? Seriously, we’re all checking each other out in public spaces, just some of us do it more inconspicuously than others. Part of our self image is composed from how others interact with us in public spaces. I bet my right nut she checked out a bunch of guys on that very same trip to the mall she’s been relentlessly slamming you about. The difference is that YOU got caught and she DIDN‘T.

Now on the flip side of this, you can’t be the drooling pervert that you and most guys actually are. Jeremy you have to incorporate more “stealth” and control in those glances of bodily appreciation. If you’re staring with your jaw dropped to the floor and tugging your pants at some totally fucking hot cock bait, then you’re going to get caught, and end up in some ridiculous situation such as this yet again. Keep a lid on it when you’re around your girl, it obviously offends her (as it should); she’s your girlfriend and deserves some respect. She most likely has some pretty deep rooted insecurities, and situations like this don’t help. The real problem here is that she should have let the topic go LONG before now, like before you even left the mall.

So what should you do now? Be a fucking man and tell her the matter is closed. If she starts threatening you about consequences or nattering on about the whole thing again, reiterate the matter is done and over with. She knows she has your attention, you’ve been playing into it, and she’s going to ride that wave as long as she can. Switch sides and take control – right fucking now.

That’s life man.

Mathematician Named Hall Limerick Posted March 29th, 2010 in Rude Limericks

There once was a mathematician named Hall,
who had a hexagon ball,
the cube of its weight,
times his pecker size plus eight,
is his number, give him a call.

Dead Peoples Things Picture Posted March 26th, 2010 in Funny Pictures

Absolutely Wasted Video Posted March 25th, 2010 in Hilarious Videos

Little Timmy Joke Posted March 21st, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

Can you spare just $2? Timmy is a nine year old boy living in Detroit. He has only one leg, one arm and one eye. Each day he has to ride seven miles to school along a narrow road on a rusty bike with bent wheels, no brakes and only one pedal. If you send us just $2, we will send you the video – it’s fucking hilarious.

Cum Bags Picture Posted March 19th, 2010 in Funny Pictures

DEA Officer Joke Posted March 18th, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

A DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas, and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, “I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs.” The rancher says, “Okay, but do not go in that field over there,” as he points out the location. The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, “Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me.”  Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. “See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish, on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?”

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher’s big Santa Gertrudis bull! With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he’ll get gored  before he reaches safety.  The officer is clearly terrified. The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs… “Your badge. Show him your BADGE!”

Burnout Fail Video Posted March 18th, 2010 in Hilarious Videos

Salesman and Boy Joke Posted March 17th, 2010 in Dirty Jokes

A salesman knocks on the door of a home and it’s answered by a 12 year old boy with a cigar in one hand and a half empty bottle of scotch in the other. The salesman asks the boy, “Excuse me son but is your mother or father home?” To which the boy replies, “Does it fucking look like it?”

Adam in Eden Limerick Posted March 15th, 2010 in Rude Limericks

In the garden of Eden sat Adam,
massaging the bust of his madam,
he chuckled with mirth,
for he knew that on earth,
there were only two boobs and he had ‘em.

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