Cindy, 23 from Miami, Florida writes…

Last week I caught my boyfriend of 8 months cheating on me with a girl that goes to the same college as we do. He flat out refused that he did it but I know it’s true because I watched them coming out of a diner down the street from school holding hands, then kissed each other before going separate ways. I spoke to mutual friends and they confessed he slept with her at a house party he said he never went to. I really love him, but when I saw them together I felt so awful. I don’t know if I should bring this up to him or not? If he gets angry about it I might loose him. Dr Thatslife I need your help!

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

There isn’t anything to debate here Cindy. You have every right to drop Mr Playboy into an interrogation room and water board his lying ass until he’s mumbling confessions out his partially paralyzed drowning face. In all seriousness, it’s completely unrealistic for you to bottle up what you have witnessed as if it never happened. It is in your right to know what is happening, so you can decide whether you do in fact love this person.

So obviously this whole ordeal makes you feel like an assorted shit platter. Carefully examine this and understand how this has emotionally impacted you and how it has affected the relationship. Don’t just blindly love him unconditionally, that mentality under such circumstances is for suckers. Look at this for what it really is… a breach of your trust. Then enter into a discussion with him, explain what you saw, what you heard and how it makes you feel. He will attempt to play down the event as just between friends or that it didn’t mean anything (yes, it‘s that predictable). Then hammer him for the real answers, and really try to ascertain what he’s willing to do to change the situation.

Don’t be afraid to not love him. That’s right… Doesn’t it piss you off that everyone seems to have known about this except you? You had to literally prod friends like cattle to find out he’s twiddling another woman’s twat – you’re being run over here like road kill. Stick up for yourself, find out what’s going on, determine if things are going to drastically change, and if you are unsatisfied with what you’re hearing – cut him loose and move on. That level of confidence will most likely inspire you be attracted to more stable relationships. No kidding. By weakly accepting such transgressions, you indirectly ask for this type of treatment. Turn that around by taking control and being more confident, your future relationships will turn out for the better.

Go get em’ Cindy!

There was a young harlot from Kew,
who filled her vagina with glue,
she said with a grin,
“If they pay to get in,
they’ll pay to get out of it, too.”

A man from the Internal Revenue Service knocks on a door and it’s opened by a little boy. The man asks the boy, “Where is your mother?” The boy says, “She’s in the backyard, getting fucked by the goat.” The man exclaims, “Son, it’s not very nice to make up stories like that!” The boy replies, “Come on in and I’ll show you.” So the tax man follows the little boy to the back of the house, and looks out the window into the backyard. Surely enough, he observes a woman being feverishly fucked by a goat. Disgusted, he turns to the boy and says “That is gross!  Doesn’t that bother you?” The little boy answers, “Na-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-ah!”

Dan, 22 from Los Angeles, California writes…

I have this girl who’s working out well… she’s hot, real naughty in the sack, and we get along well. But my problem is she complains a whole lot. Kind of wrecks the moment, no matter what the moment. We might be chillin’ watching a movie on my new big screen TV and she’ll say something such as “The TV is too bright” or “I’m tired”, “When are we going to eat?” always something. Never seems to be happy with anything, no matter how cool it is. What can I do about it doc? Help a brother out!

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

Oh no… you have one of those. A human complaint generator. Some chicks seem to have mastered the art of perpetual complaining. “I’m too hot, I’m too cold, I’m too tired, I’m too hungry, I’m too thirsty, It’s too loud, It’s too expensive, It’s too heavy, I’ve walked too far, I’ve sat too long.” SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!! JUST SHUT UP!!! As soon as any vital signs vary from absolute perfection they start exercising their mouth piece, and yes, it’s fucking annoying – I hear you. However, that is her personality. Your girlfriend will strike outward at external factors in an attempt to explain their internal discontent and unhappiness. These are people that usually love to create their own chaos.

People like this (men or women, although women have certainly cornered the market) can never just live and experience the moment as-is, which is sad really. They are so busy monitoring their satisfaction levels that they cannot just accept that sometimes its OK to be a bit cold WHEN YOU’RE SKIING, for example. All things in life have down sides that accompany the good – and people that appreciate life accept these and in some cases embrace them. Instead of a whiner that continually complains about the cold while skiing; someone optimistic would think to themselves how refreshing and crisp the cool air is – and how that hot chocolate will be so satisfying after a day of skiing. A complainer would be flapping their pie hole all day long about their sore feet and hands; the glaring sun; how tight the boots are; their jacket doesn’t fit properly, how thirsty they are – and miss all of the positives as a result. They will fixate on those negatives until you’re ready to push them off the ski lift. I’m getting angry just thinking about it!

So what can you do? Not a whole lot. But when she pipes up and starts rambling on about all the things wrong with a particular moment, casually mention the good things. When you’re sitting there watching a movie on your new honkin’ big screen TV and she starts menstruating in front of you about how bright the screen is, why not say something like “But don’t you remember back to that old piece of shit TV we used to hate? That small postage stamp screen we could barely see, blurry motel quality picture? And those orange skin tones – god! This TV really makes such a big difference huh?” She might (and I MEAN *might*) realize, “Fuck, you’re right – this IS a lot better, I should stop complaining.” By comparing the new TV negatively to the new one – you’ve put it into terms she can relate to, complaints! Just remember, you’ll need to put this kind of effort into the relationship often to put even a dent into her incessant nattering.

From how she responds to that situation you’ll start to realize who you’re dealing with; and probably start to wonder how that affects other parts of how she thinks. Perhaps you will realize what a pessimist she really is about life in general; or how she’s one of those that likes to talk about goals but never achieve them; and how everything in life is always “against her”. Which is important to know, to determine whether she is compatible with your outlook in life. Maybe frogging her in the sack is all you want, but if she’s long term – you need to know these things now instead of later.

The most important thing I can advise you, is to not make it your life’s mission to satisfy all of these complaints. It’s elusive and pretty much impossible to achieve, you’ll burn yourself out trying, and ultimately she will probably never be completely satisfied. You could take that TV back to the store for one less bright, and the new one will end up being “too colorful”, or “too big” for her. (Disclaimer: there is no such thing as a TV too big). Just try to mitigate the whining to a tolerable level.

That’s life man!

Q. What’s the difference between parsley and pussy?

A. Nobody eats parsley.

Right in the middle of lovemaking, the husband dies of a heart attack. As the funeral arrangements are being made, the mortician informs the widow that he cannot get rid of her dead husband’s rigor mortis hard-on which is sticking straight up in the air and if they don’t do something, it will look odd in the coffin at the funeral.

The widow tells the guy to cut it off and stick it up her dear departed’s asshole. The mortician can’t believe his ears but the widow is adamant, so he proceeds. During the funeral, friends and relatives of the dead man were concerned to see a tear in the corner of his eye, but the widow assured them that there was no cause to be alarmed.

Just before the casket is closed, the widow leans in and whispers in the dead man’s ear, “It HURTS, doesn’t it?”

Darren marries the girl of his dreams, and they go on their honeymoon. On their first night, Darren leaves the hotel room to get a pack of cigarettes in the lobby. When he gets back, his bride is lying on the bed naked fucking one of the bellhops. Another one is under her, pumping her in the ass. She’s sucking off the desk clerk, and she’s jerking off a cab driver and the dishwasher at the same time. Darren screams, “What the fuck are all these jerk-offs doing in here?” She says, “Well, you always knew I was a flirt.”