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Mark and Angela go on their honeymoon; and Mark spends hours of the honeymoon night eating Angela’s pussy. The next afternoon, they go to an Italian restaurant. During their meal Mark suddenly freaks out screaming “Waiter! Waiter! Come over here!” The waiter promptly runs over to the table and asks, “Can I help you, sir?” Mark yells, “There’s a hair in my spaghetti! Get it the fuck out of here!” The waiter apologizes profusely as he quickly takes the spaghetti away. Angela looks over at Mark, shaking her head, and whispers “What a hypocrite you are. You spent most of last night with your face full of hair!” Mark says, “Yeah? Well, how long do you think I’d have stayed if I found a piece of spaghetti in there?”
There once was a girl named Louise,
whose cunt-hair hung down to her knees,
so the crabs in her twat
tied the hair in a knot,
and constructed a flying trapeze.
A man was driving down an Alaskan road when his car suddenly broke down. Luckily he had his mobile phone, and called for a car repairman that arrived shortly thereafter. The repairman opened the car’s bonnet and after a while said “It looks like you’ve blown a seal.” The man replies “No, it’s just frost on my moustache.”
Q. What is the difference between “Ooooh!” and “Aaaah!”?
A. About three inches.
Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. “Honey…” she signs, “Why don’t we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time.” The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, “Great idea! Now if you want to have sex with me, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don’t want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis… fifty times.”
Q. How can you tell if your girlfriend wants you?
A. When you put your hand down her pants and it feels like you’re feeding a horse.
Next Jokes »
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| Grant (Jan 25): You have the originality of a busker with a pan flute.
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