Final Exam Joke Posted August 31st, 2009 in Dirty Jokes

A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about the next day’s final exam. He said there would be no acceptable excuses for failing to show up to the exam, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member’s death. One male student raised his hand and asked, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” The students in the classroom burst into laughter, and after subsiding the teacher glared at the student and said ”That’s no excuse, you can use your other hand to write.”

Praise The Lord Picture Posted August 28th, 2009 in Funny Pictures

Women and Fridges One Liner Posted August 26th, 2009 in One Liner Jokes

Q. What’s the difference between a woman and a fridge?

A. A fridge doesn’t fart when you pull your meat out.

Pork Brains Picture Posted August 21st, 2009 in Funny Pictures

Married a Virgin Joke Posted August 20th, 2009 in Dirty Jokes

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, “Please be gentile, I’m still a virgin.” The husband being shocked, replied, “How’s this possible? You’ve been married three times before.” The wife responds, “Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it. Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was…oh, do I miss him!”

What Doesn’t Belong One Liner Posted August 18th, 2009 in One Liner Jokes

Q. What doesn’t belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?

A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob.

Valentines Day Joke Posted August 17th, 2009 in Dirty Jokes

One day this girl was talking to her friend and she said to her, “My boyfriend bought me flowers for Valentines Day this year, so I guess I’ll have to put my legs in the air for him.” To which her friend replied, “Why? Don’t you have a vase?”

Popped Collars Picture Posted August 14th, 2009 in Funny Pictures

The mother of my child is a drug addict! Posted August 13th, 2009 in Dr Thatslife Advice

Bruno, 37 from Queens, New York writes…

I don’t even know where to start. But basically, 3 years back I met a waitress at a bar one night, took her back home, we had sex and we now have a 2 year old son. Her and I have been in and out of each other’s lives over the past year, fighting one week and being somewhat cordial the next. Needless to say it has been a very rocky relationship, but we’ve tried our best to hang in there for our son.

Then recently a very unexpected problem has come up… she has gone the drug route. I caught her doing heavy lines of coke off a counter at a house party she didn’t expect me to show up at. I was shocked and sickened by the whole thing. That was a few weeks ago, and no matter how I approach the topic she refuses to talk about it. I got in touch with her friends and they verified that she has been like that for the past few months. I totally had no idea man. She has custody of our child, and won’t give him up. I want to take full custody, it won’t be easy for me, but it’s the only way I can protect him from all of this. She won’t give him up, what can I do and how should I help to rehabilitate her?

Dr Thatslife has this to say….

Wow, that’s a rough story, even rougher than having the name Bruno! It’s the kind of three years of hell you would watch in a movie, but never expect yourself to be living. Let’s skip through the past few years and address the immediate issue at hand… her life is about to rapidly disintegrate into shit, and your child shouldn’t be part of that horrifically tragic experience. She will shortly move into the phase of self absorbed misery and substance addiction in which the welfare of your child will become second to fueling a habit.

Bruno… essentially when the mother becomes a fucking junkie, the term “our son” becomes “your son” until she gets her fucking act together. When she’s hopped up on coke, your son essentially doesn’t have a mother. Which means you need to do everything in your power, legal or otherwise to obtain custody of your child. Even if she claims to only be doing drugs outside of the home, it doesn’t matter. It is stunning just how much children absorb from the atmosphere around them, even at such a young age. They are much more influential and perceptive than you could even begin to imagine. Being around a drug addict emits such awful energy and emotional chaos, you do not have a choice in this matter Bruno. You have to act swiftly, and do so with determination.

Start by becoming informed as to what your options are, narrow down the options available to you that would render the best results, and then begin researching the fuck out of each option. For example, court would most likely be one of those options. In which case, heavily research pertaining laws, case law, and everything else you can get your hands on. The Internet is a miracle at getting basic information and helping to build a foundation of understanding and support from others. Seek advice from professionals, support groups, government counseling services, help lines, you name it. Don’t be afraid of getting out there and arming yourself to the fucking teeth with knowledge and being proactive. It is just so easy to just curl up into a fucking ball and assume because she said “No you can’t have him.” that you’re fucked, but that is rubbish. This is the difference between your son growing up normal, and being a fucking train wreck.

I feel for you bro. This is when the saying “Where there’s a will there’s a way.” not only comes into play, but should be your mantra until victory. As for rehabilitating her… some half-ass at home attempt will be useless, she needs professional treatment in a controlled environment, and only she can make that a reality. All you can do is point her in the right direction. Take care of your son Bruno, he needs you now more than ever.

That’s life.

Girl At The Bar Joke Posted August 11th, 2009 in Dirty Jokes

A man tells his wife that he’s going out to buy cigarettes. When he gets to the store he finds out it’s closed. So the guy ends up going to the bar to use the vending machine. While there, he has a few beers and begins talking to this beautiful girl. He has a few more beers and the next thing he knows he’s in this girl’s apartment having sex with her.

Hours go by and suddenly he realizes is’s almost 3am. “Oh my, god, my wife is going to kill me!” he exclaimed. “Quick give me some talcum powder!” She gets him some and he rubs it all over his hands. When he gets home his wife is up waiting for him and she’s furious. “Where the hell have you been?”

He says, “Well to tell you the truth, I went into a bar, had a few drinks, went home with this blonde and I slept with her.” “Let me see your hands!” she demands. He shows his wife his powdery hands.

“Damn liar, you were out bowling again!”

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