A doctor walked into a bank. Preparing to endorse a check, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to writewith it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, “Well that’s great, just great… some asshole’s got my pen!”

Q. How can you tell you’re in a tough lesbian bar?

A. Even the pool table has no balls.

Two friends that are dwarfs decide to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. Drunk and at the hotel bar, they’re dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them to their separate hotel rooms. The first dwarf and his woman try everything they can, but he’s just too drunk to get an erection. To make matters worse, he hears cries of “ONE, TWO, THREE… HUGHHHHHHH!” all night long from next door, where his friend and the other woman are. In the morning, the second dwarf asks the first, “How did it go?” The first whispers back “It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn’t get an erection!” The second dwarf shook his head, “You think that’s embarrassing? I couldn’t even get on the bed!”

This guy is walking down the street, when a hooker approaches him and asks, “Say, wanna have a good time?” “Sure!” he says as they head off to the nearest motel. She takes off her clothes, all the while he’s staring at her. The hooker says, “Is this the first pussy you’ve seen since you crawled out of one?” The guy says, “Nope, just the first one I’ve seen big enough to crawl back into.”

Q. What’s better than a rose on your piano?

A. Tulips on your organ.