There are essentially four kinds of sex …

HOUSE SEX – When you are newly married and have sex all over the house in every room.

BEDROOM SEX – After you have been married for a while, you only have sex in the bedroom.

HALL SEX – After you’ve been married for many, many years you just pass each other in the hall and say “FUCK YOU”.

COURTROOM SEX – When your wife and her lawyer fuck you in the divorce court in front of many people for every penny you’ve got.

There is not a more desirable experience than commuting on the bus, take the vivid memories of my trip the other day…

“I peer inconspicuously around me at my fellow passengers. Inhaling the rich aroma of what is either my neighbouring passenger’s breath, the precursor to a bowel movement or both. The lady standing besides me emits a delicate fragrance of cheap and offensive perfume, the gentlemen several rows back envelops the rear quarter of the bus with his unapologetically abrasive cologne. I take such delight with my involuntary participation in the conversation a large heavy set woman near the front of the bus is having with her cell phone, several dozen decibels louder than a space shuttle lift off.

I’m only hoping and praying that the person in front of me could eat that apple even more loudly… I want to hear the churning of apple bits in their mouth; the barn animal like lip smacking; and that desirable mouth breathing while devouring the more arduous apple chunks. Yes, please close that window, it’s a beautiful summer day outside and we wouldn’t want to accidentally expose ourselves to fresh non-recalculated air that isn’t a combination of several dozen people’s poor body and dental hygiene. That woman’s child is screaming so loudly and uncontrollably, I can only guess as to how much their next door neighbours must savour their very existence. All-in-all I wish each bus trip I have is as much of a delight as this time, one can only hope.”

With hundreds of posts and almost two years under its belt, Jokes Palace has become the site synonymous with inexcusably dirty jokes and humor. To celebrate the upcoming two year milestone, we’ve got some convulsion inducing new features for your enjoyment…

• Funny Text Messages - Think the text messages you get from your buddies are stupid? Wait till you see the seemingly random moronic shit we get on our cell phone!
• Twisted Humor – We’ve just managed to drop yet another rung in society with our breathtakingly crude new twisted humor section. Wow is it ever indecent.
• More Ads – To everyone that’s going to get pissy about one extra fucking banner, relax damn it. We’re making less than Happy Meal money with this site so you’re going to have to suck it up.

So hopefully this is enough proof we haven’t been sitting around wanking off for the past year, let us know what you think of the new stuff.

You most likely flunked sex education if you thought…

A clitoris is a type of flower.

A pubic hair is a wild rabbit.

“Spread eagle” is an extinct bird.

Vagina is a medical term used to describe a heart attack.

A menstrual cycle has three wheels.

A G-string is part of a fiddle.

Semen is a term for sailors.

Anus is a Latin term for sailors.

Testicles are found on an octopus.

Asphalt describes rectal problems.

KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati.

Masturbate is a lure used to catch large fish.

Coitus is a musical instrument.

Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke.

An umbilical chord is part of a parachute.

A condom is a large apartment complex.

An orgasm is a musician who accompanies a church choir.

A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry.

A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle.

An erection is when Japanese people vote.

A lesbian is a person from the Middle East.

Sodomy is a special variety of fast growing grass.

Pornography is the business of making records.

Genitals are people of non-Jewish origin.

Douche is the French word for “two”.

A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks to end it all, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, “Look, you’ve got a lot to live for. I’m off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I’ll take good care of you and bring you food every day.” Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, “I’ll keep you happy, and you’ll keep me happy.”

The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. “What are you doing here?” the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, “I have an arrangement with one of the sailors. He’s taking me to Europe, and he’s screwing me.”

The captain looked at her, “He sure is lady, this is the Staten Island Ferry.”

There once was a man with a member,
that would only stand up in December,
he said, “It’s too cold,
for a boner so bold,
I wish it would work in September!”