A guy is driving out in the middle of nowhere, very lost. Finally he spots 2 houses so he goes up to the first house and looks in the door way. He sees an old lady yanking on her tits and an old man jerking himself off. He is so freaked out that he goes to the next house and says “What’s up with your neighbors?” and the owner of the house says “Oh that’s the Robinson’s, they’re both deaf. She’s telling him to go milk the cow and he’s telling her to go fuck herself!”

There were three prostitutes living together, a mother, daughter and grandmother. One night the daughter came home looking very down. “How did you do tonight dear?” asked her mother. “Not too good…” replied the daughter, “I only got $20 for a blow job.” “Wow!” said the mother, “In my day we gave a blow job for 50 cents!” “Good God!” said the Grandmother, “In my day we were just glad to get something warm in our stomachs!”

There was a young lady from China,
who had an enormous vagina,
and when she was dead,
they painted it red,
and used it for docking a liner.

A guy walks into a doctors office with a 5 iron wrapped around his neck and 2 black eyes. “What happened to you?” asked the doctor. “Well it all started when my wife and I were golfing and by accident she hit the ball into a cow field. When we went to investigate, I saw the ball in a cow’s ass. I went and lifted the tail of the cow and that’s when I made my mistake.” The doctor looked puzzled and asked, “What mistake was that?” To which the guy replies, “I said ‘Hey, this looks like yours hun!’”

There once was a witch from Azores,
whose ass was all covered with sores,
as she walked down the street,
the dogs leapt at the meat,
that hung in great gobs from her drawers.

Q. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

A. Gagged

A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. “You’ll get your chance in court,” said the desk sergeant. “No, no, no!” insisted the man. “I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I’ve been trying to do that for years!”