Q. Why don’t women blink during foreplay?

A. They don’t have time.

A bride who got a little too drunk at her wedding reception was still determined to say a few words of thanks to the guests for all their presents. She stumbled through a short speech and then slowly turned to point to the presents on display, which included a coffee percolator. “And finally…” she said, “I do thank my new parents-in-law for giving us such a beautiful perky copulator.”

There was a young lady named Mandel,
who caused quite a neighborhood scandal,
by coming out bare,
in the main village square,
and penetrating herself with a lit candle.

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. “My love,” he wrote, “we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and there’s really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we’re constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted?”

So his wife sent him back a harmonica with a note saying, “Why don’t you learn to play this?” Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. “Darling…” he said, “I can’t wait to get you into bed so we can make passionate love!” She kissed him and said, “First let’s see you play that harmonica.”