Q. What’s the worst part about getting a lung transplant?

A. The first couple of times you cough, it’s not your phlegm.

During their silver anniversary, a wife reminds her husband “Do you remember when you proposed to me? I was so overwhelmed that I didn’t talk for an hour.” The husband replies “Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life.”

Q. Why does a bride smile when she’s walking down the aisle?

A. She knows she’s given her last blow job.

A guy walks into an elevator and stands next to a beautiful woman. After a few minutes he turns to her and says, “Can I smell your pussy?” The woman looks at him in disgust and says, “Certainly not!” The guy pauses for a minute and says, “Hmmm… it must be your feet, then.”

A guy walks into the local pharmacy and heads to the counter where a lady pharmacist is filling prescriptions. When she finally gets around to helping him he says, “I’d like 99 condoms please.” With a surprised look on her face the pharmacist says, “99 condoms? Fuck me!” to which the guy replies, “Make it 100 then.”

Q. What do an airport and an illegal abortion have in common?

A. The hanger.

A man is walking down the street and sees a boy riding a wagon. The boy has his dog pulling it with a rope wrapped around the dogs balls. The man says “You know if you tied it around his neck, you would go faster.” The boy replies, “I know, but then I wouldn’t get the cool siren.”