Q. What do Disney World and Viagra have in common?

A. They both make you wait an hour for a two minute ride.

There was a man from Kent,
who had a penis so long it bent,
it was so much trouble,
that he kept it double,
and instead of coming he went.

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot with a sign on the cage that said $50.00. “Why so little?” she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”

The woman thought about it, but decided, she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home and hung the bird’s cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something. The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.” The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought “That’s really not so bad.”

When her two teenage daughters returned from school that afternoon, the bird saw them and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.” The girls and the woman laughed about the situation, considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman’s husband Keith came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “Hi, Keith!”

This guy wakes up out of a deep sleep and, feeling real horny, nudges his wife awake and asks, “Why don’t we get it on, eh?” She replies, “I have an appointment at the gynecologist tomorrow and you know I don’t like to make love the night before.” So the husband agrees, rolls back over and starts to go back to sleep.

A few minutes later, he nudges his wife again and asks, “You don’t by any chance have a dentist’s appointment tomorrow, do you?”

There once was a plumber from Lee,
who was plumbing his girl by the sea,
she said “Stop your plumbing”,
“there’s somebody coming”,
said the plumber still plumbing… “It’s me!”