Doctor’s Office Joke Posted September 30th, 2008 in Dirty Jokes

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctor’s office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionalism goes right out the window.

He tells her to take off her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs. “Do you know what I am doing?” asks the doctor. TO which she replies, “Yes, checking for abnormalities.”

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, “Do you know what I am doing now?”, she replies, “Yes, checking for cancer.”

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her down on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, “Do you know what I am doing now?”

She replies, “Yes, getting herpes - that’s why I’m here!”

Fellow McSweeny Limerick Posted September 24th, 2008 in Rude Limericks

There once was a fellow McSweeny,
who spilled some gin on his weenie,
just to be couth,
he added vermouth,
then slipped his girlfriend a martini.

Dishwasher One Liner Posted September 24th, 2008 in One Liner Jokes

Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

A. Yell at her.

Pussy Hole Joke Posted September 23rd, 2008 in Dirty Jokes

This couple were in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her pussy. “Put your finger in me…” she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. “Put two fingers in…” she says. So in goes another digit. She’s really starting to get worked up when she says, “Put your whole hand in!”. The guy’s like, “OK!”. So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud “Put both your hands inside of me!!!”. So the guy squeezes both of his hands in. “Now clap your hands…” commands the girl. “I can’t!” says the guy. The girl looks at him and says “See, I told you I had a tight pussy!”.

Man Called O’Keef Limerick Posted September 17th, 2008 in Rude Limericks

Twas a crazy old man called O’Keef,
who caused local farmers much grief,
to their cows he would run,
cut their legs off for fun,
and say “Look, I’ve invented ground beef!”

Blowing My Load Joke Posted September 16th, 2008 in Dirty Jokes

A man says to his wife, “I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?” The wife hastily replies, “No, I might go deaf!” To which the man replies, “I’ve been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you’re still fucking talking aren’t you?”

Women Drive With Their Tits Posted September 15th, 2008 in Scathing Opinion

Women have long accused men of driving with their dicks, implying that men drive based on their male ego. However, after only minutes on the road, and sharing it with women, you’ll soon discover that women drive with their tits. This is because women drive based on emotion. If they’re having a bad day, then “You’ll just have to deal with my dangerous and erratic, scatter-brained driving, because I have too much on my plate and I can’t deal with even half of it (as little as it may in fact be).” All caution is thrown to the wind as they lash out at the world by means of their vehicle, just be thankful you aren’t their husband that day. So while men certainly aren’t estranged to the concept of reckless driving, it is worth setting the record straight that a disgruntled women on the road (and there sure are a lot of them) is no joke. These women need to grow the fuck up and deal with their minor life malfunctions and stop with the childish self-control deficiency routine on the road.

Fish Market One Liner Posted September 12th, 2008 in One Liner Jokes

Q. What did the blind man say as he passed the fish market?

A. Good morning girls.

Man From Madrass Limerick Posted September 10th, 2008 in Rude Limericks

There once was a man from Madrass,
whose balls were made out of brass,
when he’d bang ‘em together,
they’d play stormy weather,
and lightning would shoot out of his ass.

Elderly Grandfather Joke Posted September 9th, 2008 in Dirty Jokes

On hearing that her elderly grandfather had died, Jenny went straight to visit her grandmother. When she asked how her grandpa had died, her grandma explained, not holding back anything of course, “He had a heart attack during sex, Sunday morning.” Horrified, Jenny suggested that having sex at the age of 94 was surely asking for trouble. “Oh no…” her grandma replied. “We had sex every Sunday morning in time with the church bells - in with the dings, out with the dongs!” She paused to wipe away a tear and continued, “If it wasn’t for that damn ice cream truck, he’d still be alive!!!”

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