There once was a girl named Tristan,
whose beer that she ordered was was pissed in,
she said “I don’t think”,
as she spit out her drink,
“On the menu that this one was listed.”

This lady goes to the gynecologist but won’t tell the receptionist what’s wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor. After hours of waiting, the doctor sees her in. “Ok my good woman what is your problem?” the doctor asks. “Well, she says, my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. So I had five hundred dollars and I stuffed it in my vagina, but now I can’t get it out.” The doctor says, “Don’t be nervous, I see this happen all the time.” He asks her to pull down her underwear, sits her down with her legs wide open, puts his gloves on and says “I only have one question… What am I looking for? Bills or loose change?”

Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, “Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air.” The other hooker looked at her and said, “No, I just burped.”

A young man whose sight was myopic,
thought sex an incredible topic,
so poor were his eyes,
that despite its great size,
his penis appeared microscopic.

A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. “What’s going on here?” he asks. The guy sobs, “I was driving along and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car then tied me up to this tree and then left.” The cop studied the guy for a moment, pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. “I guess this isn’t your lucky day, pal.”