Two drunks are standing at the front door of a whorehouse. The first drunk says, “I heard half these broads have the clap and that none of them would think twice about stealing every penny we’ve got.” The second drunk says, “Not so loud, or they won’t let us in.”

Q. Did you hear about the two gay guys that had an argument in the bar?

A. They went outside to exchange blows.

The Doctor says ”Your wife either has Alzheimer’s or AIDS.” To which the husband asks ”How can we find out which?” The Doctor replies ”I need you to run a little experiment this weekend. Take your wife to a park and leave her there. If she finds her way home; don’t fuck her.”

There once was a nun from Siberia,
who was born with a virgin interior,
until a young monk,
jumped into her bunk,
and now she’s a mother superior.

Farts often lead to frowns for all but the actual fart instigator. From that innocent, barely audible puttering fart done in church, to that death cloud apocalypse fart that has whole floors of office towers evacuated; do you dig your own flavor?

A man was complaining to his friend, “I had it all – money, a magnificent house, a fast car, the love of a beautiful woman… then, poof! It was all gone!” “What happened?” asked the friend. “My wife found out.”

There once was a man named Dave,
who kept a dead whore in a cave,
she had only one tit,
and smelled worse than shit,
but think of the money Dave saved.