There once was a man from Peru,
who fell asleep in a canoe,
while dreaming of Venus,
he played with his penis,
and woke up all covered with goo.

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” “I’m a chiropractor, and I’m just keeping in practice while I’m waiting in line.” “Well, I’m a lawyer, but you don’t see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?”

There was a young gypsy girl Rose,
with obsessions for gentlemens’ hose,
up her pussy, her rear,
in her mouth and each ear,
and her cute little freckle-tipped nose.

Woman rushes into her house one morning and yells to her husband, “Sam, pack up your stuff. I just won the lottery!” Excited, the husband asks “Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?” To which the wife replies “Whatever. Just so long as you’re out of the house by noon!”

One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman… She became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor apartment, killing him instantly. Brought before the court on the charge of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say in defense of herself. “Your Honor,” she began calmly, “I figured that at 92, if he could screw, he could fly.”

There was an old lady from Wheeling,
who had a funny feeling,
she laid on her back,
and tickled her crack,
and pissed all over the ceiling.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, “I spat in this beer, do not drink!”. After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, “So did I!”