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“I have been having an affair for the past 2 years. We both love each other very much. We are able to satisfy each other in every way possible. (Sexually and mentally). I know that sounds kind of lame but we can’t seem to stay from each other even though my husband has found out and his wife has a pretty good idea what’s going on. We both would like to leave our spouses but there’s kids involved on each end and to make matters worse we live across the street from one another and our kids are best friends. This is the first time in my life that I have never been able to talk to anybody the way that I can talk to him. It’s sad but I could never be as close to my husband in a sexual sense as I am to him. What should we do. It’s not fair to our spouses to continue on like this. Don’t recommend moving because financially it’s not possible.”
Trust me, I wasn’t going to recommend moving…You know what, the whole thing does sound kind of fucking lame, Dee. Maybe you should consider growing up. Your husband sounds like he either has a lot of patience for people like you, is currently in the process of figuring out how to drop you without permanently scaring the kids, or is just plain stupid. Its like I’m reading something written by a 16 year old girl in a high school relationship and she just noticed the “boy down the road”, not an adult married couple. Yeah, no kidding it isn’t fucking fare to your spouses. Lets look at it this way, pretend rolls have been reversed. You find out that your husband has been pumping some chick across the road for the past couple years. Wouldn’t you be pretty fucking irate at your husband? Don’t you realize how revolted you would feel knowing that he was dicking you all that time too? Its pretty hardcore isn’t it? So what you’re saying is that twiddle dink across the street whispers sweet nothings into your ear, listens to your long drawn out stories, and is a good fuck in bed, and he’s got you just like that? I can bet you my next pay check that moving in with him will change all that pretty quick and he won’t give a shit. Before you know it, you have fucked up multiple peoples lives and you still won’t be happy. Didn’t you spend any time or effort before you got married to figure out all this shit about your husband. Or did you get swept up into the moment like you did with this new guy? You know you can relate to dickhead across the street, but why not your own fucking husband. There must have been some reason you initially married him!? I bet you’re so built up in this affair thing you haven’t even given your husband a chance to meet your needs physically or emotionally. Ask yourself this about your husband… “He may not be a romantic talker, might not have good in-bed skills, but does he love me and look after me and loves the kids?” You saying your concerned for the kids is a load of bullshit if you’re contemplating getting a divorce for the reasons you gave me. If your husband was cheating on you, or was out drunk every night, or was violent, or abused the kids, then you’re right, you need a divorce…. But right from when you first started spreading your legs for the guy across the street you weren’t thinking about the kids…AT ALL… So WAKE UP and get your fucking life together before you hurt a lot of people. That, Dee, is life!
“Oh my god, I am so sorry… I had no idea it was going to be that bad… Wow, is that ever so barn animal fresh and poignant - the air is so thick I can taste it! Like someone shit down my throat kind of taste it. Usually there’s a certain level of immunity to your own farts, but whoa, I’m really having a hard time coping. Maybe I’m sick? Fuck the doctor, I need a hospital to deal with the havoc wreaking in my bowels. This kind of fart just isn’t natural by any stretch of the imagination. It smells like I plowed through a bucket of rancid egg salad, chased it with curdled milk and let it brew for the afternoon. Let’s just prey that the almighty Jesus Christ our lord and savior will come in our desperate time of need and cleanse the air we breath. No? Not coming again today Jesus? I hardly believe lighting a match will do the trick this time. This may very well be the end everyone… this may be the end. Jesus if you aren’t coming - at least give myself and those struggling around me the strength to persevere and survive this shocking ordeal. Amen and hallelujah.”
There once was a man from Moline,
The banker fell overboard from a friend’s sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?” “Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”
“I am married to a nice lady, we have one kid aged 4 years. The problem I have is that my woman likes watching TV till late nearly everyday. I normally want to retire early for bed due to work commitments. This arrangement is affecting our sexual life. Can you please advise how best we can resolve the problem?”
Whoaa there, it doesn’t sound like your problem is affecting your sexual life, it sounds like you DON’T HAVE a sexual life. Well, we all know you’ve got busy with her at least once, so that’s a start. If she’s gonna sit there and watch TV for the rest of your life long voyage together - you better sit her down and start talking about this! Its basically the TV or you. Do you make it interesting for her? Do you entice her with any level of encouragement. Or do you just sit in the bedroom with your wang hanging out waiting for her to trample over the dogs and cats to get in the room and bang you all night long!? After you talk to her about the fact that her watching TV every night just doesn’t cut it, help her along… During the day, say suggestive things about possible romp sessions that upcoming night…Refer to common objects in a sexual way…When your in the bedroom or your house, kitchen, wherever, make the move on her! Why not? She’s your wife! If she isn’t getting the hint, or it appears she really isn’t interested at all… You better start thinking long and hard about how long you want to put up with this shit. Think about it - the physical stuff is an important part of a relationship. You don’t want to depend on having a tug of war with Cyclops to satisfy your urges for the rest of your life do you? That’s life!
“Well there’s this girl I’ve known for two years now. We get on really well. She is short, and really nice. I like her because we have so much in common, but is not the nicest girl in school. I don’t care. I’ve asked her out but she doesn’t want to know. What should I do??????”
Common Dan! You mean to say you’ve gone up to her, she basically slam dunks you, and you wonder what you should do? Move on or just leave it as it is. It sounds like she has made it pretty fucking clear she only wants to be friends - does it really need to be more? You can have a long term friendship with a chick and not have to start dating her. Just enjoy what you’ve got - a friend! Two options, stay friends and have a good time, or, keep persisting with the whole going out with her business and fuck things up royally. Go find another girl to date. And that’s life!
There once was a man named Eugene,
Florida, USA (Jokes Palace Newsroom) — In an attempt to force himself into a healthy routine of exercise, a Pompano Beach Florida resident hired a hit-man to kill him if he failed to show up to any of his four weekly workouts, every week, for the past ten years. “At first I thought the ridiculous membership fees and that ludicrous up front joining fee would make me workout so I wouldn’t waste the money - but that didn’t work. Within weeks I was coming up with all sorts of lame pathetic excuses not to go. So I decided that if money wouldn’t promote me to go, losing my life would. The hit-man idea has worked like a charm, maybe even too good. There were some times that I truly would have preferred not to go; like that time I had bronchial asthmatic pneumonia. I’ve never had so much dark green mucus running down my face in my life, you should have seen that treadmill afterwards. But with all its ups and downs, my only complaint lately is that what I originally thought were expensive gym fees have been over shadowed by the high cost of the hit-man. Now that I want to stop, I can’t because I told him to shoot me if I told him I wanted to give up.”
“My boyfriend is away on vacation for a month and even when he wasn’t we never got to talk or see each other. And I want to go out with my ex or his best friend. I would be happy with either. What should I do? And how do I let my boyfriend off easy?”
So you have obviously concluded that your current boyfriend is just not working out and its write off time. When he returns from his trip, you need to sit down with him and spill it out. Tell him the relationship you have with him is just not what you are looking for, simple as that. As for letting your boyfriend off easy, hooking up with his best friend is hardly the right answer. Don’t you think its going to be a bit of an awkward position dating his best friend, and possibly put big time friction between the whole lot of you? As for your ex-boyfriend, make sure you remind yourself as to why you dumped the guy or he slam dunked you in the first place, and ask why your really getting back together with him. Maybe you should have a good look around for other options first before going back to old “been there done that” territory. If you two really got along, you would still be together. If you’re in a relationship that your not really that enthused about (example - current one) going back to and ex is just too easy. Try branching out and finding some new guy. That’s life! |
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Dee, 34 from Sacramento writes…
Dr Thatslife has this to say…
Judas, 36 from Harare (wherever the fuck that is) writes…
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