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Tom says to his doctor, “Doc, I had the worst dream of my life last night. I dreamt I was with twelve of the most beautiful chorus girls in the world. Blondes, brunettes, redheads, and they were all dancing in a row.” The psychiatrist says, “Now hold on, Tom. That doesn’t sound so terrible.” Tom says, “Oh yeah? I was the third girl from the end.”
“I’ve been going out with this guy for like, 10 months, and I just found out I’m pregnant with his baby. My main problem is telling my parents - I know that they’ll be mad, and kick me out of my house… I’ve been debating not telling them until I have the baby, and after I have it moving in with my boyfriend, as he suggested, but being so young, I don’t know if that would be such a good idea…I don’t have a job yet cuz I cant drive myself… what should I do?”
What you are telling me sounds like a tough situation, but which path to take isn’t a hard decision. You are majorly young to be dealing with this shit. However, I do not think you should just assume your parents will kick you out. Are you basing this on fact or a presumption? Do you honestly think your parents, knowing you are going to have a child, will kick you out onto the streets? I highly doubt they would. I think you should also tell them what’s going on. Yes of course you will get into major trouble, but the storm will pass. They will be able to provide you with knowledge and extra help that you need in a time like this. Besides, lets get real here, its not as if your going to bring this baby all the way to term without your parents noticing what is happening. Common! As for hoping in with boyfriend, holy fucking bad idea. Again, you need to be with your parents at home - not off with mister happy dick. Moving in with your buddy there will definitely end much quicker then you think, and you will have to move back in with your parents anyways, but under worse terms. Right? I mean, if you are up front with the parents, explain the situation, ask them for help you will probably go through this ok. If you tell them your running off with sperm boy, and then come back crying that it didn’t work out, I take back everything I said, they will be pissed. Just be honest with everyone and it will all fit into place for you. That’s life!
There once was a man from Lenore,
We’re dropping into the new year like an atom bomb. First off, we’re totally stoked to announce now being part of the National Lampoon network. Also, we just broke the 200 posts mark earlier this month, which is about 190 posts past the average life expectancy of a blog. And holy crackling shit fires Batman, look at all the crap we’ve added to Jokes Palace for your amusement…
So keep coming back fuckers… there’s lots more coming!
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. “You know, honey,” I said sweetly, “Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married.” “Honey,” he replied with a grin, “Without my glasses, you still look pretty good, too!”
“Ok homecoming is coming up it is October 2. I don’t have a date yet and I feel really bad I mean all of the other girls that I have talked to have dates. I’m not deformed of extremely ugly or anything. That doesn’t really make a difference but anyway I was just kinda wondering how do I get a date and how do I tell if a guy wants to be my date but is too shy to ask?”
Alright, you need to have a good look around you. Of the guys that you like, are any of them talking to you, giving you hints, checking you out, being real friendly? If any of that is true you may be in! The thing is, it can sometimes be difficult trying to figure out how someone feels about you that you don’t know too well. You just need to look at the fine print. Look for signals, and if that person is serious about you, they will try their hardest to make an impression. If they are going out of their way to talk with you or do stuff with you then that’s a good sign. As for your end of things… If there is that one guy you really want to bust a move on, you need to do a bunch of things… Get talking with him, show an interest in what he’s doing, hook up with him at recess or whenever. If you have something you are going to like a show, concert or whatever, there is no harm in asking him to come along. If you’re more on the shy side, when he’s walking past in the hall at school for example, smile at him… It isn’t hard to do, its very recognizable to the other person as a positive feeling towards him. Good thing with it is, it presents a feeling to him without you having to get too courageous. The next time you walk by, maybe smile and add in a “hi!”. Few times after that you could stop him to talk. Know what you want to say to him but are too shy? That’s possibly where a letter comes in. You can say what you want to him without actually saying it face to face. Sounds like a bit of a cop out, but if you write him a super short letter saying something along the lines of “Hoping we could maybe get together some time…. give me a call… blah blah blah”, its a lot better then not trying at all. Thing is though, just going up and talking to a guy is much easier then you think. Just walk up and start talking about really easy stuff like, “How’s your day been?”, “Been busy today?”, “What class you off to now?” ask stuff you want to know about him, all this small talk usually turns into real talk and before you know it, the conversation is rolling. See, he probably has a bunch of stuff he’s curious to ask you about as well. Worried the conversation will die? Just think of an emergency line. So when you are talking to him and something happens to the conversation just say, “Alright, well, I just wanted to see how you were doing, talk to you later.” Talk to your friends, and see how they got hooked up with their guys. You will be surprised how easy most of their replies will be. Don’t worry about them thinking your an idiot for asking, people LOVE to share their opinion and dating help. You never know, in talking to them about it, they may know of a guy interested in you, or hook you up with one of their guy friends, you never know. Wish you luck…
Late one night a woman was walking home when a man grabbed her and dragged her into the bushes. “Help me! Help me!” she screamed “I’m being robbed!” “You ain’t being robbed…” her attacker interrupted “You’re being screwed!” The woman looked down at her attacker as he unzipped his jeans. “If you’re screwing me with that,” she fumed, “I am being robbed!”
“Ok I have this problem with guys and girls always wanting to show me their stuff. I know its crazy and its really annoying. Anyway, I have this problem that if someone talks sexually about jacking off or something I get nervous. I’m only 13, I don’t know what’s up! My friend (or at least she used to be) would always go if you show me your tits ill show you mine and I am like noooooo way! But she shows me anyway and I’m like nooooo. Then the guys like to show me their cocks and I’m like leave me alone. I totally don’t think I’m attractive. My tits are not really big (34C) and I need to know what I should do because “stop” just isn’t working for me!”
Sounds like you have some pretty seriously perverted “friends” there Khris. At your age, this is not something they should be doing. Even if you were 23, its just not the kind of thing normal people go around doing. I have no idea who raised these little treasures, but you should drop all of them pronto. Not only should they not be showing you their privates, but they should be listening to you when you say NO! Makes me wonder where the fuck this planet is going when 13 year old girls want to check each other out. Do you really want girlfriends that are dieing to check out your rack? Boys that are wiping their chops out to show you are only going to get you into trouble in one way or another, now or later on. Of course you may feel a bit nervous on the topic of sex, your only 13, just barely a teenager. I also don’t want to hear this shit about you being ugly. Did you know that your attractiveness has more to do with how you FEEL about yourself then your actual body? Even someone that could be considered “beautiful” will still look ugly if she herself is not happy with how she looks. Also, trust me, I wouldn’t worry about your jug size. Go get some real friends Khris, the one’s you have right now aren’t going to do you any good, and that’s life!
Q. What tastes good on pizza but not on pussy? A. Crust |
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Lalina, 16 from Tampa writes…
Dr Thatslife has this to say…
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