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During a wild party at a Long Island country house, Roxanne had too much to drink and strolled outside for some air. Getting to a grassy field, she lay down to watch the stars. Roxanne was almost passed out when a cow, searching for clover, carefully stepped over her. Groggily, she raised her head and said, “One at a time boys, one at a time.”
“Well, I just started high school a couple months ago and I didn’t have many friends the year before. When I came here I almost instantly got along with the people I met and I’m much happier. The problem is, they all talk to me at school and consider themselves my friends, but none ever invites me anywhere or asks me to do anything. There have been a few guys who asked for my number but they all either never called or we hung out and they just tried to get into my pants. I’m incredibly lonely and need advice, please help.”
When I read your consultation, I cannot help but ask if YOU invite THEM to things or are you just sitting back waiting for them to make the move? It sounds like you have friends, so that’s not the problem. What it seems to be, is that you need to extend the relationships with these people outside of the school environment. This is a common thing where people at work, school or an organization they are in enjoy the friendship of people, but never actually take it any further. What have you done that would promote them to invite you? Look at it this way, you aren’t getting invited by them to do anything so you haven’t invited them. Works both ways… Set up something like a girls night out, have a group over to your house, invite friends to go hang out or whatever. If they go to it and have a good time, they will be inviting you to do things with them. Before you know it you are an integral part of that group of people. Works the same with individuals. If you are wondering why you haven’t been invited to parties and stuff by a good friend of yours at school, that friend is probably wondering the same thing about you. However, if you do invite them to things, and none of them show up, give shit ass excuses for not showing up, or still don’t invite you after a couple nights out - then it may be other problems. But I do think from the sounds of what you told me, it should all be fine and you should make an effort to invite these people to things and see what happens. That’s Life!
Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician? A. He worked it out with a pencil.
One day Little Susie got her “monthly bleeding” for the first time in her life. Having failed to understand what was going on and being really frightened, she decided to share her trouble with little Johnny. Having found Johnny she told and showed him what her problem was. Johnny’s face grew serious and he said, “You know, I’m not a doctor, but it looks like someone just ripped your balls off!”
“I have known this guy for almost 6 years. We are really good friends but have mutual feelings about taking the relationship to the next level. A couple of years ago we tried dating but it really didn’t work out that well. We live about 2 hours away from each other and our phone conversations are not always that exciting. SO we just kind of left it to being friends and that was that. Then about 3 weeks ago we started talking about possibly dating again. Things would be really weird between us but I know we both have romantic feelings about one another. Only problems I have are that he was locked up for 2 years. It wasn’t for anything really serious. Just for having a big party with alcohol at his house and he was under age. If we try this again I want to make sure it will work so here are the questions I have for you. 1) Should I date him again? 2) How can I make are phone conversations more exciting? I would like to lets say sort of seduce him! I want him to know that I want him and I want to be able to tell him that. I am just not sure how too. Please help! Thanks!”
Why bother? You are telling me that realistically your lifeline of this relationship is the phone unless one of you are going to drive two hours to hook up. But your phone conversations sound like they suck! Examine why they suck, if you have nothing to say to each other, or its just a shit conversation, that may say a lot about what you two have got going on. Barring the fact you may lead boring lives and may not have anything to talk about. What would make you think that dating him will work out any better this time then last? Has something changed, are you two different people now, is there a circumstance that was prohibiting you from having a relationship that worked before that doesn’t exit now? A relationship that is two hours away really needs to be for someone you really love and is worth the travel time. I can’t honestly say, based on what you have told me, you have that to look forward to at the end of your voyage. Unless you have left out huge details about what its like dating this guy. You really need to ask yourself what spurred the “possibility of dating again?” How often have you been seeing him? Are there other reasons (you are going to have to be very honest with yourself on this one) as to why you are wanting a relationship with him. To answer your two questions, the first one I think I have made pretty clear my answer. You need to seriously evaluate WHY you want to date this guy. Your second question… You need to initiate things into the conversation that will, make it interesting, possibly add flare, enticement to continue talking and a dab of debate or point of view. Try and have a deep and meaningful conversation with him about life. It may sound goofy, but why not talk about aspirations, dreams, ideas, futures, favorite things about each other. If your talking about all of yours, and asking him about any of those things and he’s just blank, that’s not good. Those deep sort of conversations tell you A LOT about another person. Talk about world events, be opinionated, seek feedback on issues. Talk about anything that is happening around you! If you are talking about current wars, or the “yet another” hurricane sweeping Florida, or stuff along those lines and he’s still going “Uh, yeah…” or “Umm, guess so.” then he probably is just a boring person to talk to and its time to move on. There needs to be challenge in conversations or there is no point in having them. And a good relationship COMPLETELY depends on good communication. If you are bringing up all these interesting topics and its just dead air coming from the other side of the phone and your wondering if he is in a coma, you need to tell him. Explain that the conversation is really lacking in substance, ask if there is a reason! Is what you are saying important to him? You want to be dating someone with ideas or some sort of opinion or vision. To wrap this up, ask yourself why you want this guy. If you decide that you really do want him, you need to work on the phone calls for the relationship to last long. As for him….Two years locked up because of a party at his joint? That sucks! But that’s life!
A horse walks into a bar, the barman asks, “Why the long face?” To which the horse replies, “I’ve got AIDS.”
“Doc, I think my son has gonorrhea,” a patient told his urologist on the phone. “The only woman he’s screwed is our maid.” “Ok, don’t be hard on him. He’s just a kid,” the medic soothed. “Get him in here right away and I’ll take care of him.” “But, Doc. I’ve been screwing the maid too and I’ve got the same symptoms he has.” “Then you come in with him and I’ll fix you both up.” Replied the doctor. “Well,” the man admitted, ” I think my wife now has it too.” “Son of a bitch!” the physician roared. “That means we’ve all got it!”
“Well, I’ve fantasized about this girl for along time. I think she is beautiful and would dearly like to go out with her. There are two problems. One is that through others experience, it is known that she is not always faithful. While going out with one guy, she will often get with others at parties etc. Secondly I have got to decide which way to ask her out. I’m a bit shy and sadly, fear rejection, but I will work out that problem when I come to it. Please tell me whether I should put aside her past and go for it, or try to find another woman.”
We need to really focus on your first problem, and discard the second if you’re telling me that you can work out that problem. If you know that she has played around on guys at parties in the past, that won’t change. You need to decide if that bothers you, and what kind of relationship you wish to form with her. If you are like many, you will want some sort of relationship that doesn’t include guys at the parties she goes to. Or you may want a more “open” type of relationship. One that is much more accepting of a “party episode” occurring. Either way, what she has done in the past and how she went about doing it says a lot about her character and who she is. Truth and commitment isn’t her strong points. If you are thinking…”Oh, she was probably drunk and didn’t know what she was doing at those parties, so its not as if she meant to bang those guys! Things just happen!”, your wrong. She was still making the decisions, and if your drunk or not, it still takes two to fuck. She most likely gets drunk at the parties to attract the guys she wants. If you’re really keen on her, I would recommend starting it out as a friendship first. See what it is like to be with her. Remember you have only been FANTASIZING about her with probably little to go on, and for a long time. Just because you gawk at her every time she walks by you and you have to pick your jaw up off the floor, doesn’t mean you know anything about who she is. You really have no idea until you’re actually hanging out with her. Trying to figure out how to start a relationship with her is steps ahead of where you should be thinking at. So, work on establishing contact; get to know her as a friend; then start asking whether it is worth going out with her or not. That’s Life! |
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Ashley, 16 from New Mexico writes…
Dr Thatslife has this to say…
Brian, 18 from New York writes…
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