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“I really like this guy I met at a church youth group, but he’s kind of… innocent. He’s a minister’s son, and he thinks he’s too young to date. He’s never had a girlfriend, and I don’t think he’s ever done anything to disappoint his dad. He gets straight A’s, and is in the Bible club at school. All this is great, but I’m not so innocent… I just don’t feel like I can be myself around this guy… what should I do? Should I tell him that I like him? Should I act like a church-girl, or be myself? I REALLY like him. Help me!!!”
Becky, Becky, Becky… It is time to break this guy in. I say you make it your life’s mission to initiate this poor guy into the real world. If he is 16, hasn’t had a girlfriend, gets awesome school marks, and is in the “bible club” - someone like you coming along is exactly what he needs. His father doesn’t like it? He’s going to have to live with it. There will be plenty of things that will come along in his sons life that will upset this perfect Disney world balance he’s got going. If the father had it his way, his son wouldn’t get any action for the rest of his life… probably end up being weird or something! You tell him you like him, and absolutely be yourself… There is no point putting an act on because like all acts, it must eventually come to and end or it would be called a reality. It is important particularly in this situation to be yourself. He will decide, based on what he sees, whether the type of person you are, is for him. It may have one of three effects on him…It may disturb him; he may not care at all, or he’ll love the change of pace. Now I’m not implying you two go out and start one by one breaking all the commandments or anything. I am really saying, he sounds like he just needs to go out and have a good time with a girl doing fun things, with it possibly developing into a relationship. Have fun…
Two men are sitting in a pub and one says to the other “My mother-in-law is an angel”. His buddy replies “You’re so fucking lucky… mine is still alive!”
Q. Did you hear about the new “morning after” pill for men? A. It works by changing your blood type!
“I am 30 years old and I have been seeing this married 28 yr old woman for the last 4 years. She says that she can’t go out at night because she is married yet every time that she wants to she is out partying with her friends till 4 or 5 am in the morning. The last time we went out at night past 11:30pm was 20 months ago. How do I tell her that her actions make me feel so insufficient and insignificant in her life. I feel as if she doesn’t appreciate me. That she takes me for granted. Sexually she wants to have sex maybe once a month otherwise she says she will feel guilty even though since, she been seeing me she has done an orgy and a threesome and been with other women and men. She says, well that’s different because it was just fun and games or a 1 night stand. With you it’s different I feel guilty because I have serious and genuine feelings for you I don’t know what to do to help. How do I tell her that I am so unhappy that she is hurting me constantly. Signed, Alex”
Wow Alex, you’re telling me you want some level of sympathy for your hurting from a woman who is cheating on her husband with one night stands and orgies? Are you fucking moronic? She can’t go out at night with you because she is probably too busy fucking someone else from the sounds of it. Doesn’t her priorities of going to these parties in stead of seeing you make it clear how dedicated she is to you? She probably does take you for granted, your the fling on the side! This feeling guilty if she has sex with you more then once a month story is horse shit…She is either fucking you or she isn’t, how many times isn’t the point, its that she has done it at all. Her not seeing you in the evening or at night is also…horse shit. She most likely calls you up to fill her schedule when she isn’t with another fuck friend. This is of course, between the orgies and threesomes which should also tell you a lot about who you are trying to deal with. And those are just the sexual encounters she tells you about, I’m sure there are more Alex… I’d say pull on the Jimmy with this girl…whooooeeeee disease time! I’m not exactly sure what you are looking for in this relationship with her, physical, friendship, full on relationship… She is most likely thinking of you as a casual encounter, you are thinking its much more. But whatever it is, and how you described the whole thing, I would say get the fuck outta dodge man! That’s life!
The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning. Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said: “Debra, I’ve never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.” “Could you jack off?” she says. “I feel like shit.”
“I dated my ex-boyfriend exactly a year ago for a few weeks. We broke up and parted as friends, still talking on the phone all the time. He stared going out with a girl a month or two after we broke up and they are still dating. I have to be honest and say that when we were going out I didn’t have any feelings for him. Well I started hearing from friends that he had feelings for me a few months after he was going out with his current girlfriend. At this point I began to realize that I had feelings for him too. We are extremely close, and we stay up talking until 3 in the morning every weekend, and when we’re not together we talk on the phone every night. He is literally my best friend and he says I am his too. He tells me things that he is scared to tell his girlfriend. She treats him sooo shitty!!! I hate it so much. Well I confronted him about having feelings for me, and he said that he did. So I admitted that I have feelings for him too. We went for a drive one night and ended up in a field under the stars. You can guess what happened… we were there for a few hours and it was two in the morning. He is still going out with his girlfriend and is “deciding what to do”. So my question is, what should I do??? Obviously I am not going to let him make out with me than let him go to his girlfriend’s house to get some. He says that he loves me, but is scared to leave her (they’ve been together for a year). Should I cut off contact or something? I don’t know what to do! It has been nearly a week and he is still thinking! Please help me! As soon as you can! Please! Thanks”
What is different from when you broke up with him a year ago and now? You keep talking about these new found “feelings” you are having for him and vise versa, but why didn’t you have them when you were actually going out with him? Could you give me a list of things that spurred the feelings on other then “we talk on the phone a lot” and “we bonked in the park?” You need to ask yourself what REALLY made you “realize” you had feelings for him. That you were alone? That he had someone else? Or that you genuinely realized what he meant to you. Be brutally honest with yourself on this one or your going to be wasting a lot of time here. If she treats him so shitty…WHY THE FUCK IS HE STILL WITH HER? Does he just sit there and put up with it like a little girl or what? If he is scared to leave someone that treats him like shit you have to wonder about him! Why wouldn’t you let him bonk you and then go and do it with his girlfriend? SHE IS HIS GIRLFRIEND and he has made it clear that he has a girlfriend. What the heck do you expect? It also demonstrates his character to you… He has a girlfriend, but is screwing you, even when he doesn’t know he is breaking up with his current girlfriend. Is that the kind of guy you want? Just remember, if you two are going out and a year down the road he gets bored and starts “sampling” some other chick, you can’t say this situation didn’t warn you he would! Why cut off contact? He sounds like an ok FRIEND from what you have told me, getting into a full blown relationship with him is a different story. I honestly don’t imagine he is thinking to hard on this whole thing. He sounds like he’s the kind of guy that isn’t too bright in the decision making department. I’m sure if you left it to him, he would be “thinking” about it all of next week too.. Id say leave it to him. That is always the best way to find out what other people think of you… leaving the initiative to them to call or visit you. That’s when you will have your clear answer and until then I would just sit back and see what happens… That’s life!
The morning after Christmas, two brothers are in front of the tree. “So what did you get?” says the younger brother. “I got a video game, a mountain bike, four model cars, ten action figures and loads of cool new clothes. You?” The older brother replies, “I got a pair of socks and a Spider-man toy.” Laughing the younger brother asks “Is that it?” “Well yeah, but I don’t have leukemia.”
“Hi there well I have this cousin who is a best mate and well both of us have girls friends and one day when I was with his girl friend I walked her home to her house ( cause I thought it was the right thing to do ) and she invited me in so I went in and she said that she thought I was really sexy and she wanted to have sex with me and well I did do it accidentally and well now I feel bad cause I cheated on my girl friend and my cousin doesn’t know that I had sex with his girl friend. What should I do I need help really badly?”
Wow Craig… You really fucked things up big time… “Accidentally” of course! I mean none of us ever actually have sex on purpose, we just slip up and bang… we are porkin’ some ohhh… cousin’s girlfriend… Craig, there are two ways you can approach this problem. One, you can do it the easy way, and not tell anyone, hoping that nobody ever finds out. Or two, be up front, honest and willing to be a man and tell them that you were a complete fucking moron, had sex with your cousins girlfriend and it won’t happen again. You did this to a family member man, that’s pretty fucked up. It’s bad enough dicking the girlfriend of a guy you don’t know - but your own cousin? My advice is to take option two without hesitation. If you guys are all fairly close, like it sounds you are, this sort of stuff eventually gets found out. Wouldn’t you rather be honest and tell, rather then these people finding out later on. They will hate you a lot more for it if you had kept it a secret and they just happened to find out. I know it’s tough advice, but that’s the only advice I can ever give in fucked up circumstance like this. When doing this you should also tell your cousins girlfriend that she should do the same. When you are honest with people about things you regret, it really does help the situation. It tells them that you recognize what you have done is wrong and you want to correct it. Keeping it a secret says to the other person or people “I DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOU!”… That just gets them, understandably, pretty damn upset with you. And yes, not telling someone something is just as bad as lying to them about it. That’s Life!
If your gut has ever told you that an online dating site profile you’ve read was full of shit… you were most likely right. Women fudge their profiles big time, but you can stay one step ahead of them by knowing the truth behind what their profiles say. “Occasional smoker” - If she could fit an entire pack of cigarettes in her mouth, light it on fire, and inhale until her lungs explode… she would. And she would then proceed to spend the rest of her non-smoking time yammering on about how she needs to quit smoking once and for all, and this time she means it! “Occasional drinker” - She’s the one at parties that spends the first half of the night bent back with a funnel full of 140 proof whisky being tossed down her pie hole; and the second half with her fat and only friend holding her hair back while she projectile vomits into the host’s shower stall. “I like to have fun” - Means she never has any fun, has no friends or hobbies, and hopes you’re going to introduce her to all of your fun friends and take her to all of your fun parties and events so she can finally have a life. “I’m goal oriented” - She will tell you every day about her desperate desires for a better job, and complain that she is above her current job, but will never actually get a better job because she enjoys whining about her current pathetic state of affairs too much. “Looking for a committed relationship” - She is severely insecure and will prove it to you by asking you about every single place you go, person you see and web site you visit, bar none. She would implant a GPS tracking device in your neck if she could… sleep tight! “Body Size: Average” - The rolls of fat hanging out the sides of her shirt that are remarkably similar in appearance to when you pop open a new pack of unbaked Pillsbury bread sticks “are natural and you’re just going to have to accept them” (along with their ever increasing growth in size). “Height: Prefer Not To Say”- She’s either troll short with those stumpy little legs swishing together as she walks trying to keep up with you; or so tall that unless you’re Shaq it would be like fucking a giraffe. “I am career minded” - Every day she will fill you in on every microscopic, mind numbingly boring, blow by blow description of her monotonous low-paying job in such painstaking detail that you will be rummaging through the closets and drawers for something to hang yourself with. “Likes to travel”- Everyone loves to travel. But when she says it, it means she enjoyed that trip to Disney Land Florida with her folks when she was twelve. She’ll then drone on about all the places she wants to go to, but never will. Like all inclusive trips to Cuba where she can discover her alcoholic binge drinking tendencies and rendezvous with strange men for unbridled promiscuous sex in your absence. “He must be well off” - She doesn’t in fact make any money herself, but has spectacularly expensive taste and needs someone else to shovel an endless supply of cash her way so that she can explore the deepest and darkest corners of her consumerism fantasies without restraint. “Sometimes I do drugs”- If you connected all the needle marks on that constellation of horrors on her arm, you could form a recreation of the Little Dipper! If you do meet her in person and she gives you a fantastic blow-job, you can thank her for her hours of practice on the glass pipe. But you won’t be thanking her for that weeping puss filled blister at the tip of your prick.
Q. What’s the difference between a hamster and a cow? A. Cows survive the branding. |
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Becky, 16 from somewhere in America writes…
Dr Thatslife has this to say…
Alex, 30 from an unknown place writes…
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