We argue a lot and he’s abusive, what now? Posted November 3rd, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Liliana, 20 from America writes…

“I have been with this guy for a year and 2 months. We just had a baby 2mts ago and we live together. The problem is that we fight a lot. It gets pretty nasty. I tell him I hate him, I don’t know what I ever saw in him, that I want him to leave, that he should of stayed with the girl he was cheating on his Ex-wife of 2yrs on. And he tells me I am fat, stupid and a bitch. He slapped me once and he will through things at me like chew can, hit me in the head repeatedly with a magazine, throw drinks on me, kicked me in the shin. He has told me that I did something that caused him to do that. I have also hit him after he has hit me, like pushing him, throw plastic glasses at him, etc. He has broken down the bathroom door when I locked my self in it. His issue is that I attack our relationship and he doesn’t, and that I tell him I hate him at every argument and he doesn’t. When I tell him those things I truly feel them. How can we save our relationship before it self destructs. Please respond to me because no one else knows of our problems and I am desperate.”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

Sounds like you have been with this guy 1 year and 2 months more then you should have. You don’t like him, you get into arguments (most likely many over petty and stupid things) and his track record sounds like shit, its a no brainer what you should do. No matter how bad things get, he shouldn’t be resorting to hurting you. Just on those grounds alone its worth leaving this jerk. Him cheating on his ex-wife is probably something that you too will get to experience in the future too, if you stay with him. Think about it, if he did it to her, why wouldn’t he do it to you too?

Why would you want to save a relationship with someone you truly hate? I can feel how pissed off you are at him, its literally bursting out of the screen. I could understand if you had loved the person for a long time, and you are going through a rough patch that you would want to try and reclaim what you had, but this doesn’t sound like that at all.

Your child is better off with no father then an asshole of a father that is abusive and basically a looser. If he is like this to you, what would stop him from being like this to your child?

Basically, set up two columns on a piece of paper, one being pros, other being cons of staying with him. Start jotting down all the points you can come up with for each, and weigh some points in each as more important then others. If you are noticing a pretty major lead in the cons department, you need to really ask yourself why the heck your still hanging around for more of this crap. Its good to see it on paper because you are visually looking at all the reasons why your leaving, sort of a way of reconfirming your thoughts. The great thing is that you are not married, so walking out the door means exactly that, no long drawn out problems of divorce. Moving on may be scary for you as you have a child and there may be financial hurdles, but you deserve better then this. You don’t owe the guy anything… SO MOVE ON!

That’s unfortunately life!

Pope Encounter Joke Posted November 1st, 2007 in Dirty Jokes

Two guys were at a bar arguing with their friend who was a midget. Sudden out of nowhere, the Pope walks into the bar! “Oh my god its the pope ” they all say at once “the midget says to the guys ‘That’s it I’m going to ask him.” So he walks up to the Pope and asks “Sir, are there midget nuns in America?”, “No, no, no.” says the Pope “Are there midget nuns in the entire world?” “No, no, no.” says the Pope “Are there even such things as midget nuns?” “No, no, no.” says the Pope. His friends burst out chanting, “Joe screwed a penguin, Joe screwed a penguin…”

I’m an alcoholic and want his confidence in me back! Posted November 1st, 2007 in Dr Thatslife Advice

 Jennifer, 21 from Cincinnati writes…

“My boyfriend just recently broke things off with me and I am so in love with him it’s killing me inside. He knows how much I love and cherish him and says he cares about me too but can’t deal with things right now. Things meaning my alcoholism and his lack of trust in me to remain in control and faithful while I’m out drinking. I have danced with other guys in bars…when he was there, and the next day the other man’s number was in my pocket and my guy found it. When he asked about it I told him the truth, and that is: I told the other man I had a boyfriend and didn’t want his number. He said give it to one of your friends, tell them what a nice guy I am, etc… I don’t remember taking the number but it was in my pocket. My now ex says he doesn’t know if he can trust me and we should be just friends. He won’t say whether or not there is a chance for us to reconcile and get back together because he doesn’t know if it’s worth salvaging. Even though he told me he was falling in love with me, would follow me anywhere, that we were meant to be together, and he wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up marrying me. I am torn up inside and seeking help for my alcohol problem. How can I prove to him how dedicated I am and that he can trust me. He is the only one I want and don’t want to give up without a fight. What should I do? Do you think in time he will want me back and call? If it were you what would you want a girl to do to prove to you?”

 Dr Thatslife has this to say…

I would want her to get her act together and get a bit of self control. There is no positive side of a partner who is drunk all the time. I can completely understand your boyfriends lack of trust. You going off, drunk as usual, dancing with other men and ending up with a guys digits just doesn’t look good. You saying, “Ohhh, I didn’t know it was there!” still isn’t going to go down too well. Peoples confidence in a drunk persons decision making and loyalty to their relationship is generally not high if you ask around. Even if there is no just cause and that drunk person is in complete control, the partner will still have less confidence in that person then normal. So to be with someone that is regularly drunk, is bound to have its toll on the strength of the relationships confidence levels.

So, reading your consultation, it sounds like he loves YOU, just not what you DO and possibly how you feel about yourself if you are an alcoholic. You can prove to him your love by completely removing the element causing this friction, the alcohol. No piss ass bullshit attempts to stop… Just do what it takes, by using the right resources such as counseling, doctor, etc to get it out of your life.

The thing is, he is watching how you conduct yourself, and it tells him a lot about you. If you are drunk and have guys numbers in your pocket, that is not the person he wants to be with, from the sounds of it. So get your act together, because you are the only one who can do it. If you turn around and become a person that is not dependant on alcohol, is self confident and is enthusiastic about the relationship, he will most likely be that way too. Until then, of course he is going to change his original comments of “I am falling in love with you” to “doesn’t know if [the relationship] is worth salvaging”, can you blame him?

That’s Life!

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