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A patient awakened after a serious operation only to find herself in a room with all the blinds drawn. Why are all the blinds closed?” she asked her doctor. “Well…” the surgeon responded, “They’re fighting a huge fire across the street, and we didn’t want you to wake up and think the operation had failed.”
“Recently my boyfriend broke up with me. He and I had been together nearly a year, and when he came home from college, he decides that he doesn’t want to get into a major relationship, wants to see other people, even though before he left for college, he told me he wanted to be with me, and make things work, and that he’d be happy if this was forever. And now I have to try to go back to how things were before we got together…just talking and being friends even though we’ve been through so much together…and he told me he wants casual sex, and I don’t know how to deal with it. I mean, how can I just go back to being friends…?”
I would have to say something during his trip to college rerouted his “life maps”. One minute he is saying “forever with you will make me happy”, the next he is saying, “look, maybe we should just take it easy, ill go scope around and maybe pop in for a quick ’service’ every once and a while.” Just friends mode can be pretty hardcore on a partner after a year together. Especially the one at the receiving end of the news. So your first question to yourself should be whether you can emotionally handle this change in the dynamics of your relationship. If you think that you will be able to sort it out somehow in your mind, that’s fine. However, if you think its going to be difficult, you might want to start exploring the field yourself. Otherwise, you are just going to be sitting there looking for any and all signs of him showing renewed interest in a full on relationship. This scenario sucks, he has told you his intentions so you will just be wasting your time and driving yourself nuts. If you have got past that point, lets actually answer your question… How do you become his friend after being so intimate with him? You really need to emotionally detach yourself from him. See him on a less regular basis; look around for your own relationship - further proving he is just a friend; do things that friends, not lovers, would do together; don’t get yourself into situations that will provoke “intimate relationship feelings”. Very importantly, casual sex won’t work. If you think that you can have sex with him, and keep saying in your mind “he’s just a friend” you are wrong. That is the killer every time, thinking that you can have that very intimate act of love making, and still keeping things as “just friends”. Unless of course you are someone who thinks their comfortable with casual sex and know that it will not create a bond between you and your partner. Removing the sex part of the equation will also help sift out if that is actually what he is holding on to you for. Sounds pretty shitty eh? But if someone comes back from being away for a while and says they just want to be friends because they are looking around, but still want to have casual sex… that could be all they are looking for. This also means he can have multiple partners, which creates its own interesting little problems of its own. Really think this one through carefully Erica. That’s unfortunately life!
Q. What’s the noisiest thing in the world? A. Two skeletons fucking on a tin roof.
Two parents take their son on vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes to play in the water. Shortly thereafter, the boy runs to his mother and says, “Mommy, I saw some ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!” The mother cleverly replies, “The bigger they are, the dumber they are!” With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, “Mommy, I saw some men with dongs a lot bigger than Daddy’s!” “The bigger they are, the dumber they are!” she replies. With that, the little boy runs back into the water and continues to play. Several minutes later, though, the little boy runs back to his mother and says, “Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more he talked, the dumber he got!”
“There really isn’t much detail, but here goes… My boyfriend and I recently started having sex (it was his first time but not mine, if that even makes a difference). We had sex without any problems for the first three times and now all of a sudden he goes limp when it is time to put the condom on! I’m not sure why this is happening the only explanation I can think if is that he loses his former concentration when putting on the condom. why does this happen and what can we do to fix the problem?”
No need to worry! Your boyfriend is definitely not the only guy on the planet with this problem. It can be from a number of things, and don’t worry, it most likely isn’t anything you have caused. The first possibility is that it could be a result of performance anxiety. He’s playing around with you, has a major woody, he knows its time to flip the rubber on and there is a mind association with putting it on and keeping the hard-on. This makes him sub consciously try too hard to keep the erection and looses it! That’s right - you heard me… If a guy tries too hard and thinks too much about keeping his flag pole at full mask, he will most likely loose it! So after a few times going at it with you, the fourth time this thought may have entered his mind and voila, limp factor 100! Second possibility, yeah, it could be a concentration thing. Those fucking wrappers, who designed them anyway!?! If you can tell that the whole “removal of the condom” phase is making him loose it, there are new condoms on the market with easy open packs. The whole process of popping the rubber on really can distract the whole mood and the boner factor can really take a hit because of it. So how can we fix this situation up you ask? There are a few things you can try to help. Make sure you guys have a lot of foreplay (I’m sure neither of you will mind this) to make sure he is good and wound up. If you get into it all too fast, you can also loose the boner real fast too. Take your time! Make sure he is not under the impression that there is any rush or pressure to hurry. Another thing is, if his mind isn’t helping, manual stimulation could. Since a boner can basically pop up due to one of two things, mental / visual simulation or physical stimulation, if one isn’t working, try the other! Most importantly… What you say has a tremendous impact on his ability to handle this situation. If you start hounding him on this asking “What’s wrong with you, why can’t you keep it up?” it WILL worsen the matter BIG TIME. Even if you are saying something like “I hope you don’t loose your erection when you put your condom on…” while he’s doing it, he WILL loose it. This is because those types of comments are only adding additional strain to the situation, further increasing his anxiety and decreasing his boner time. If he gets enough anxiety over this whole thing over a long enough period of time, he may even start having problems getting a boner, at all! Use positive and understanding words in stead. If he looses it, maybe say something along the lines of how you would love to do some things to him to get “it” back up again. Reassure him outside of your love making time that no matter if he looses the boner or not, you will still have a good time, and that you understand. So keep the situation relaxed, show understanding and support, and try some of these points. It would be a good idea to go check out some official reference materials on the matter of “erectile dysfunction” in addition to this advice. That’s Life!
Georgia, USA (Jokes Palace Newsroom) – A man resembling a giant kid was arrested Thursday for sexually assaulting a manikin at a women’s fashion outlet store. Store clerks describe how the man made several trips past the manikin, and then went up onto the podium where he commenced to fondle and groupe the manikin’s breasts. When questioned about the incident, he said “I couldn’t help it… she had the nicest set of tits I’ve seen in a long time.”
A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. “I’ll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want,” he insisted. “And, I don’t expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell you otherwise. I’ll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing with my buddies whenever I want. Those are my rules,” he said. “Any comments?” His new bride replied, “No, that’s fine with me. But, just understand that there’ll be sex here at seven o’clock every night… whether you’re here or not.”
“I have a bit of a problem. My married best friend, Jay, just had his 21st birthday the other day. His wife wasn’t around because she was out of state visiting her family. Anyways, at the party it was just me, Jay, and two other friends. We decided to play truth or dear just to have some fun. Well Liza dared me to give Jay a little kiss… We were all drunk and it didn’t mean anything so I did. Now, since then, me and Liza had a HUGE fight about something really stupid. And she said that she was gonna tell Jay’s wife about the kiss… She also said that she was gonna tell Jays wife that we went even further then that… Which is so far from the truth. I need your help REALLY quick cause Melissa (Jays wife) is coming back some time next week… and I have NO idea what to do! For some reason Melissa never liked me… and I know that she is somehow gonna get me back bad, unless I have some good explanation. How can I get her to believe me!? Dr. Thatslife… PLEASE help!”
Sounds like you’re dealing with a real immature little shit. What you need to do is look at the motives behind the threat, who she is TRYING to hurt, who she is REALLY hurting and see if with this information whether you can dismantle her desire to actually execute it. So, you two got into some bullshit cat fight over a miniscule completely irrelevant to the grand scale of life issue, and since she felt threatened by it, she wants to retaliate. This is in the form of telling someone else’s wife that you kissed her husband and then elaborate that with lies. What is this girl smoking? Yes it will hurt you because it sounds like you are good friends with both Jay and his wife, but the real people who get hurt are Jay and his wife. Is Liza sure that she wants to hurt all three people? Because that is what she will do. If she was a friend to the other two she wouldn’t carry out her threat. You really shouldn’t be kissing a married man, pissed out of your mind or not - that is purely an excuse. However, Liza has no right to make everyone miserable with the story and then add lies. Once those lies are told, it will be difficult to tell Jay’s wife they are lies. It may lower the wife’s trust in him and this could hurt the relationship. Grab this little shit, and in a VERY calm and non emotional way, explain to her all of this. Say that you would like to put your differences behind, call it quits on the little problem you were having, and just go your separate ways. Don’t state that the fight was over nothing, this could erupt her, she wouldn’t have gone to the lengths of threatening you if she didn’t think of it as important or worth defending her point of view over. She needs to know there is no actual benefit of her executing her threat, the only result is a big time conflict at the “Jay and Company Household”. So if she is not a complete moron, she will realize the foolishness of it all. If she seems pretty stuck on the idea, there are two scenarios… She is all talk and will never actually go through with it all, and the other is that she goes and tells Jay’s wife. That is when you will most likely be confronted by Jay’s wife and you will need to be honest That’s Life!
Q. Did you hear about the girl who’s a dyslexic bulimic? A. She eats, and then she sticks her finger up her ass.
Wife gets naked and asks her husband, “What turns you on more… my pretty face or my sexy body?” Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, “Your sense of humour.” |
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Erica, 18 from Manassas writes…
Dr Thatslife has this to say…
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