 |
|
One morning a woman was walking out of her front door, when she notices a strange little man at the bottom of her garden. “You’re a goblin!” she says, “I caught you and you owe me three wishes!” So the goblin replies “OK, you caught me fair and square, what’s your first wish?” The woman stops and thinks for a second, “I want a huge mansion to live in.” goblins replies “OK, you’ve got it.” Woman again thinks it over, “My second wish is a Mercedes.” “OK, you’ve got that too.” “My last wish is a million dollars!”. The goblin then says “OK, you’ve got it. But to make your wishes come true you have to have sex all night with me.” “OK then, if that’s what it takes…” Next morning the little man wakes the woman up. “Tell me,” says the man, “how old are you?” “I’m 27″, she replies. “Fuck me” says the man, “27 and you still believe in goblins”
Q. What do you call a cow with no legs? A. Ground beef.
“I’m a virgin. I’m not saying I’m quite the innocent one when it comes to fooling around with guys, I just have morals about losing my virginity. I guess you can say that I’m just waiting for the right one to come. Anyways, I think the right one has finally come along… And I really don’t want to wait with this one. We’ve become really serious, been through sooo much together, and I know that we’ll be together for a very long time. My problem is… I’m really insecure about this beauty mark/mole/whatever u wanna call it I have right by my crotch. I don’t know if he’d feel it or anything IF I sleep with him, but like, if I do…would it gross him out?”
Are you kidding? The last thing he’s going to be thinking about is some stupid little mark near your happy place. Trust me, you two will probably bonk each other like rabbits without him even noticing its there. He will be too busy looking at and feeling other things. Even if he does notice it, I highly doubt it would phase him for even for half a second. If I were you, I wouldn’t even begin to worry about it. Did you also know that guys can find this sort of thing attractive? Yup, that’s right! There is something neat about finding these secret things on her no one else knows. They are what make her, her! I shit you not! Think about it, if he had something similar around his happy place would you really give a crap? You’ve probably blown the whole thing out of proportion in your mind thinking he’s going to be huddled over you with a magnifying glass and saying “Hmmm, I dunno about this!?”. Its easy to sit there dwelling over what he’s going to think over and over again. But just take a step back and realize, its just a completely insignificant mark he won’t care about. It will all be JUST FINE! That’s Life!
One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. “I’m lookin’ for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!” he said to the bartender. “We got her!” replied the barkeep. “She’s upstairs in the second room on the right.” The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the whore and two beers. He grabbed the beer bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the second door on the right and yelled, “I’m lookin’ for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!” The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, “You found her!” Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. “How do you know I want to do it in that position?” asked the miner. “I don’t,” replied the whore, “but I thought you might like to open those beers before we get started.”
A man enters into a bar, and the waiter comes and asks him “What do you want to drink sir?” The customer points out to a guy laying on the floor and replies “Whatever that guy was drinking.”
“My fiancé and I recently moved in together and everything is great except for one thing. I cannot stand the fact that he always smokes “cigarettes and pot”. Everyday it is like he cannot live without it. This has been going on for 8 years now and it makes me insane to think about what it is doing to his lungs. I have talked to him but he say’s to quit nagging him about it all of the time.”
Welcome to the world of pot and cigarette smokers! You’ve known him for a long time, so it’s not as if you didn’t know what you were getting into. I hope you weren’t thinking he would be more considerate, or stop after you had a conversation with him about it. Noooo way! Pot smokers are quite diligent with their habit and other people’s issues with it aren’t generally a concern to them from my experiences. When you approached him about it, and he basically told you to piss off, that about sums it up on how much he cares about your concerns. So as a side note, also look at other aspects of your relationship to see if this attitude is a trend in other things as well. It may give you a good insight as to what you will get to deal with over the many years of marriage ahead with him. You probably didn’t care too much when you weren’t living with him what his habits were, now that you are, they do matter! This should be pretty interesting, because if two people move in together, although they are accommodating to each other, they also want to keep their ground and not be bullied around. He may perceive your attempts to get him to calm down on the smoke factor, as a way of controlling him. It’s driving you insane about what it’s doing to his lungs? What about YOURS Sarah? Don’t worry about his body, he knows very well what he’s doing to himself, and you for that matter. His lack of care about your body gives out some clear signals, don’t you think? He just doesn’t give a shit. There is a MAJOR lack of respect going on here. You’re just the nag reminding him of it every day, which for some people is encouragement to do it even more! Smokers are famous for lighting up even more because people are hounding them about it. You need to look after yourself. Soooooo…. What can you do? I guess there are two roads you can take, depending on how much this bothers you. One, you can come to a compromise and meet him somewhere in the middle ground. Or two, the full force approach and tell him that unless this crap stops, you will act accordingly. Both have their pros and cons. An example of compromise would be that he does it all outside instead of in the house. Although this will help you breathe better, it doesn’t help the fact that you have an addict for a fiancé. An example of full force, would be telling him if this habit doesn’t come to a grinding halt, you don’t think the living arrangement is going to work out and its time to move on. My advice, take a second look at the relationship on a bigger picture and ask how much you think he cares about you. As for the issue at hand, this is a gross habit, you shouldn’t have to deal with it. Compromise was only an option because I knew you went into this knowing of his addiction, but full force is the real answer to a problem like this. That’s Life!
Q. What’s the hottest thing in the world? A. Two rats fucking in a wool sock.
There are only a handful of moments in one’s life that truly stand out as incredible, possibly even a miracle. Mine was when I discovered the other day that the box of Frosted Flakes I had in my shopping cart came with a FREE DVD on how to play better hockey. I sprinted to the express checkout, knocking people to the way side, and purchased the box of cereal. I was so excited I was ripping the box open before even leaving the store to get at the DVD. With it in my shaking hands, my eyes perused its beauty. It was, a beautiful moment, poetic in every sense of the word. Until it suddenly dawned on me… “I don’t know how the fuck to use this thing?” Distraught and lacking the will to live, I dropped to the floor still clinging to the DVD. Like a mother weeping over the expired body of her lifeless only child, I lay there in the front lobby of the supermarket in despair, thinking where the closest bridges were. A woman who was passing by knelled down and asked “Excuse me sir, are you OK?”. To which I replied with a sobbing voice, “No… My dreams and ambitions are in ruins because I don’t know how to use this DVD!” I reluctantly allowed the woman to take it from my grasp and examine it. After carefully looking at the front, then back cover she suddenly exclaims “Oh my goodness, you’re saved! Look on the back… it tells you exactly how to use it. It says ‘Insert hockey skills DVD into your DVD player and press play.’” “Whaa? I… Really?” I eagerly retrieved the DVD from her hands, “My god you’re right! You’re RIGHT! I’m saved!” With tears welling up in my eyes I said in a wavering voice “THANK YOU kind stranger, I can only repay you with the blessings of a thousand prayers!” I stood up, brushing myself off, wiped my tears away and triumphantly walked onward. The automatic doors opened out onto the parking lot as I took a deep breath and shouted “SCORE!!!”. Flailing my arms in the air, again I yelled… “SCORE!!!”.
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it’s a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren’t worth $350. When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows which the hotel is famous for. “The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,” explains the manager. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, “But we didn’t use it!” The manager is unmoved. Eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and hands it to the manager. “But sir,” the managers says, “this check is only made out for $100.” “That’s right,” replies the man. “I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife.” “What! I didn’t sleep with your wife!” exclaims the manager. “Well,” the man replies, “she was here, and you could have.”
“My boyfriend is up my ass. He never gives me time to myself and he never wants to hang out with his friends. He tells me constantly that his life revolves around me. I’ve tried talking to him about this before but he doesn’t seem to get the message. I love him and I want to stay with him but I need time to myself. How can I can I make him see this without hurting him?”
Whoa, this guy seriously needs to get a life. Anyone that completely and totally devotes themselves to one person and excludes the remainder of the planet’s population has issues. Don’t worry, I can completely understand how you feel. It must invoke feelings of having no life; lack of self identity; that you are almost not you; a feeling of having no interests or social circle of your own or outlet to just discover and enjoy who you are without him. All because this fucking idiot is ALWAYS AROUND. It is not a good way to live, most especially when you are 17 and are still exploring who YOU are and what YOU want to do with YOUR life. I would say the best thing you could possibly do is give him a stern ultimatum to start giving you major breathing space or you will drop kick him into the dumped zone. When he hears that this relationship he is so insecure about could crumble, he should give in and comply to your plead for air. Be understanding and polite (he does love you), but very stern about your intentions and feelings because your previously failed attempts were probably too weak to get through to him. In a situation like this, not only is he hurting himself by becoming so dependant on you, but he’s killing your life too. There is no way of making him see the situation without hurting him. He is too dependant on you, and you have to tell him that it is unhealthy. He must develop his own life outside of your relationship. Talk about a limited life this guy must have, isn’t he really fucking boring? If someone doesn’t hang around anyone and doesn’t do a whole lot of anything except see his girlfriend, what is he really going to say or do that he didn’t the visit before? Do you really want to be around someone that is literally feeding off of your existence to support his own? When you say you love him, what is it that you love about him? You may find you are clinging onto him to a degree too. Get this guy to change pronto, or move on and get your life back. That’s Life! |
|
Erin, 17 from Ontario, Canada writes…
Dr Thatslife has this to say… 
Copyright © 2008 Visca Corporation. All rights reserved. Unauthorized duplication in part or whole strictly prohibited. Use governed by our legal terms and conditions. Powered by WordPress, thanks guys you're champions. |
