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“Here is my problem. I filed for divorce (after a seven year marriage) which became final last summer. The relationship was emotionally abusive, so I just had to get out. He was/is a pathological liar and promised me a lot of things. I was stupid and vulnerable after the divorce and “thought” that I fell in love with a married man. We were emotionally close for about six months before we ‘did the deed’ and, of course, stupid female that I sometimes can be, I actually believed him when he said that he wanted to be with me. I had blinders on, I know!!! Like I’d WANT a cheater in my life. Anyway, that’s not really the problem. I FINALLY have my head on straight in that issue. The problem is that I have met an exceptional man (so far, anyway). I have told him that I am still carrying baggage and I’ve figured out that someone needs to earn my trust rather than just have me blindly accept whatever he says as ‘gospel’. What that means, basically, is that I am not sleeping with him until I am pretty that I can trust him. What I really want to know, from a ‘guy’s’ perspective, how do I tell him this without making him feel as though he’s not all ‘THAT’. (Don’t get me wrong, I have a VERY healthy appetite for sex, so it will be very hard to say no when I get closer to him emotionally. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!”
Yeah, the married guy option is definitely a dead end road. I think its good that you lay the cards on the table up front with this new guy, it will benefit both of you in the long run. However, I would be careful about the wording you use to describe this baggage situation. Men run for the hills at any hint of excess baggage, because most men have been there, and don’t want to go back to the airport for more. So, explain it to him along the lines of… “You enjoy his company very much, you love doing things with him, but want to take your time and develop a relationship and not jump into anything right away. There were some experiences in the past which have made getting emotionally involved with someone a matter which is handled with care.” If the guy truly is the ‘exceptional man’ you say, he will take his time with you and understand the importance of holding off on romp time and serious relationship stuff for a while. In the mean time, if you are comfortable with holding hands and maybe kissing him, that will be something that keeps your physical affection towards each other in place while the more down low stuff is on pause. That’s Life!
Q. How does a guy know if he has a high sperm count? A. If the girl has to chew, before she swallows.
“I am a liar. Not that I lie about everything or to everybody but to keep my husband from suffers ulcer attacks I mislead him about our money situation and tell him I’ve paid bills that we never had the money to paid in the first place. I have come clean on three occasions but those were just the tip of the iceberg. I don’t do it to hurt his feelings quite the opposite really. And believe me I know that lying is wrong but I only want to make his life less stress full. But alas, now everything is about to bite me in the butt. Everyone wants their money and I’m dodging phone calls day and night. I want to tell him but I’ve promised him this would never happen to us. His mother did this to his father until they were forced to file chapter 11. I am afraid that if the truth be know he will leave our marriage of five years and three adorable children”
What the hell are you doing Elizabeth? The both of you are using money, but only one knows of your crippled financial stability. How long did you really expect that to work? What do ulcer attacks have to do with having no money to pay bills. Yes, its sweet to try and protect your husband from the unpleasentries of REAL LIFE. However, it is not going to help him when there’s a guy at the front door with a clip board and a list of your shit on it to take. Then when you told me your doing the same thing that failed for his mother, I just about fell off my seat. CAN’T YOU USE HER FAILINGS AS AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT NOT TO DO? I suggest you come clean with your husband pronto. He deserves to know and to act accordingly. I think this is a serious situation, but not something that a marriage is ended over. You need to tell him that you had best intentions in mind, but that you were unable to accomplish what you had hoped to. It is easy to promise you will never run into financial difficulties, but in reality, most people and couples at some point in their lives have cash flow problems anywhere from annoying to devastating. Take action before this gets even more out of hand and talk to your husband. Telling him will help soften the blow over the alternative of him getting that knock on the door one day. He can also add his thinking to the matter and may come up with ideas to solve this issue you hadn’t thought of. That’s Life!
A man from Texas buys a round of drinks for everyone in the bar as he announces his wife has just produced “A typical Texas baby boy weighing twenty pounds.” Congratulations shower all around, and many exclamations of ‘wow!’ are heard. Two weeks later he returns to the bar. The bartender says, ‘Say, you’re the father of the typical Texas baby that weighed twenty pounds at birth, aren’t you? How much does the baby weigh now?’ The proud father answers, ‘fifteen pounds.’ The bartender is puzzled. ‘Why? What happened? He already weighed twenty pounds at birth.’ The Texas father takes a slow sip from his beer, wipes his lips on his shirt sleeve, leans over to the bartender and proudly announces, ‘Had him circumcised.’
While wandering around the different land line and cell phone provider web sites to figure out which one would fuck me over the least, it really made me wonder about people’s needs and some of the claims people go by on these web sites. As you could imagine, cell phone providers were always the biggest fuck over ass reaming… Why is my ear bleeding?
I saw this little gem while cruising the Alltel Wireless web site. Anybody that needs 6,000 monthly minutes of air time ON TOP OF UNLIMITED EVENINGS, WEEKENDS AND MOBILE TO MOBILE CALLING spends WAYYYYY too much fucking time on their cell phone. Might as well stick your head in a 1200 watt microwave and cook for 10 minutes on high each month. For that matter, when would you have enough ‘off air’ time to even get your head into the microwave and push the screw driver into the safety latch? If there isn’t anyone that uses this plan, I love the idea that the cell phone company feels compelled to at least try and push you to the $200 A MONTH plan, JUST IN CASE you NEED 6,000 minutes! “GOD CURSE THIS 4,000 MINUTE PLAN, IT’S REALLY CRAMPING MY LIFESTYLE!!!” Trade in your out dated widescreen LCD!
Saw this miracle of modern technology on the Rogers Wireless web site. I wanted to wretch when reflecting back on all those months of using my peasant-like 24″ LCD monitor when I could have been using the Sony Ericsson K790 cell phone with it’s whopping 2046×1536 screen resolution (which must be easy to fit into 2 inches of screen real estate) for all my computing and entertainment needs. Think of the spreadsheets! I better start getting those thumbs of mine into shape. I just yearn for the sensation of lying in bed watching block buster movies on it’s saliva inducing 2 inch screen, and falling asleep afterwards with a small glowing square etched into my retinas from feverishly squinting into my glowing cell phone’s screen trying to make out the close-ups on my favorite star’s tits.
Q. Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and leg in a car crash? A. He’s all right now.
“I had a question about a situation I have been faced with. I have met the most perfect person in the world. The hard part of the situation is I met him about a year ago on a company trip to Nausea. We spent three wonderful days together on a cruise ship. Every waking minute we were together. We did not have a physical relationship while we were together. We stayed in touch for a while after the trip. He returned to AL while I returned to NC. Brett, had just gone through a divorce, I am sure he was still learning to deal with this. A few months after the trip I invited him to NC. Shortly after I asked we lost contact. That’s where I thought the story would end. Until a few months ago we had a new company trip where we saw each other again. He told me he was sorry for not staying in touch, he had a hard time dealing with the feelings he had for me on the trip. I told him I understood. Then we picked up where we had left off. Over four days we had 12 hours of sleep. We both wanted to spend all the time we possible could together. The last night of our trip we made love. I didn’t know how to deal with it and we talked about it and he said it was not a physical thing, but rather something amazing and special. We both returned home and spoke a while. A few weeks later he told me an old girlfriend had called and wanted to work things out. He told me he cared a great deal about me and I was more special than I would ever know. He told me if we were in the same city he knew things would be different. I told him I understood again. Then two weeks ago I had to travel to his office to work. It was wonderful. I knew about his girlfriend. I felt awful, but I had to see him again. We spent both nights together and both cried when I had to return. I want to be a part of his life, but I don’t’ know how to convinced him the distance would not matter. I could relocate and I would do anything for him. I think he scared because of the intense emotions we shared. Scared he could get hurt again. Is there anything I can do? What can I do to let him know how I feel? Thank you for any help you could give.”
I am glad to hear you have found someone you feel so deeply for, however, you need to keep a few things in mind before doing anything drastic like trying to move your whole life over to his place. Right off the bat there are a number of somewhat glaring things that I want to point out in what you wrote. Now I may come off sounding rather harsh or possibly even a jerkoff, but I’m really trying to give you an opportunity for a reality check… First, you two have only met under somewhat ideal circumstances. Each visit is limited in time to only a few days, in different surroundings then what you are used to (maybe even considered exotic in the case of Nausea), and its easy to get caught up in the moment in situations like this. When you were referring to the cruise ship scenario, you could have had “three wonderful days” and had fun “every waking moment” with Oscar the Grouch on the trip, YOU WERE ON A FRIGGIN’ CRUISE SHIP, HOW COULD YOU NOT HAVE FUN? Now I am sure that he shaped those experiences, but all I am pointing out to you is that you two have only met in environments that would have sensationalized the time spent together. Secondly, do you feel he is on the same level as you? He’s pulled the pin a couple of times on you. Firstly, when he didn’t bother to maintain contact, and provided a somewhat weak excuse for not making a 15 minute phone call to say, “Yup, I’m still alive and thinking about you.” Then when the “old girlfriend” excuse popped up I really had to wonder if he was trying to let you know this isn’t going to work out. I think the real meat of what he was trying to say when he said “It would be different if we lived in the same city”, is really “Yeah Amy, its great fun each time we hook up for these business functions etc, but I have my life here, and you have yours there.” Finally, you’re doing all the work. You are always traveling there, when you suggest he visits you he looses contact with you and you’re the one attempting to maintain the connection with him. He hasn’t offered to do anything on his side, nor has he asked you to do anything about this either. The last most glaring issue with all of this is that he is working things out with a past girlfriend. This point is a very big hint! You need to take a step back from all this, look at it clearly, and decide if you still want to pursue it. From your consultation, you are sounding way too serious for someone who you basically had fun with a few times. If you want to pursue it… Tell him exactly how you feel, how each experience with him has affected you, how you feel around him, how you think about him etc. Then, be very straight forward in asking him how he feels, and where he wants this relationship to go, make sure you get direct answers. You need to know where you stand. He hasn’t given you much to work with except for the fact that you have a great time together, but no mention of the future or where he wants it to go, except that he is getting back together with his ex-girlfriend. If after you discuss your feelings with him and he is interested in a relationship with you and not his ex-girlfriend, testing the waters before doing anything drastic like moving there would be a VERY good idea. Maybe spending a few weeks together under more “normal” circumstances, (example, at one of your homes under daily life conditions) will certainly get both of you better acquainted as to who each other really are. From this experience it will become much more clear as to where each of you want the relationship to go. This is only one example of many other potential ways you two could better get to know each other. That’s Life!
Q. What’s the best thing about a blow job? A. The ten minutes of silence!
A ninety year old lady is on her way to the gynecologist due to a itchy rash in her pussy. When she gets there, the doctor quickly checks her out and asks “When was the last time you had sex?” The old lady tells the doctor that she is still a virgin. He checks her out again more thoroughly and tells the lady “I don’t really have a medical term for this, so I will be blunt…your cherry has rotted.”
“I have been together with my boyfriend for 6 months. He just left for college about 800 miles from where I live, so I can’t see him very often. When he left, we decided to stay together, but now I think that we should break up for the time being. It’s not that I like some other guy or anything, it’s just that if anyone does come along, and I like him, I don’t want to feel guilty about it. Plus, because he’s in college, I’m sure that he’s going to have a lot of opportunities to get with other girls. I do want to stay with him, but I think it would be best if we broke up.”
I think your right. It would be unrealistic for each of you to expect the other to wait this out. You will both have your own lives, and it would be difficult at best to see each other in person, and having a phone relationship is by no means a way to spend your life. Each time calling your partner is more a tease than anything else. Maybe you would want to split up with the intention that when he has finished college, you two can see where each other are at in life and decide whether it would be a good idea to get back together or not. So much will have changed by then for both of you. It hasn’t been a long term relationship and your still young. You don’t want to be pinned down to a relationship with a person you never get to spend time with. Its difficult to look at a situation like this in a “fact of the matter” way, but I think your consultation pretty well summed it up very well, it basically won’t work under the circumstances. Just be careful about how you tell him your new feelings on the matter. Moving to a new place where he doesn’t know anyone and then getting dumped may really hurt him. So just time it well and tell him in an understanding way and everything will work out for the best. That’s Life! |
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Danica, 30 from Seattle writes…
Dr Thatslife has this to say…
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