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I was standing in the checkout line at the supermarket, and couldn’t help noticing the guy in front of me was buying the following items: large bag of adult diapers; a club 12 pack of bacon flavored baked beans; two large bottles of Metamucil; 18 pack of super quilted toilet paper and a box of Q-Tips (I guess in case the toilet paper wasn’t meticulous enough). Really, when you looked at it, the stuff bathroom humor is made of and everyone in the lineup looked like they were waiting to die. So to lighten things up I said to the guy “Looks like you’re in for quite a weekend!” The checkout chick smirked at the remark, so I wasn’t totally off base. But I soon discovered he wasn’t digging the humor quite as much. The way I could tell was the guy’s flaring nostrils and the dark blue veins protruding from his forehead. I thought Wade from Total Recall and was going to erupt from his chest. “Go to hell!” he said flicking his hand at me. It was then I discovered why it wasn’t funny for him, during the excitement he had shat himself right on the spot, no kidding. The rank smell of the immediate vicinity was a total give away. Moral of the story, if you see a line of people waiting to die, let them.
“Well I met this really nice guy in an internet chat room, and I gave him my phone number and address so he could phone me, and send me a photo of him. We’ve been talking every morning on the phone now for 4 weeks. He is so nice to me and I know he’s telling the truth because I talked to his mum and his brother. He lives in Hampshire near London in England, and I live near Glasgow Scotland, so we haven’t met yet. So he’s coming up on 18th September (his birthday) to meet for the first time. I’m meeting him on the Saturday 18th with two of my friends, then I’m going in on my own to meet him on Sunday, and I suggested that we sleep together. It wasn’t him that suggested it, it was me. He says that I’m not under any pressure, just because I’m older, because he will be 25 and I’m only 16. So I’m not quite sure whether I should sleep with him or not. I love him very very much. One thing I must add is that he phones me every morning and he pays for the phone call all the way from England on peak time.”
When I look at this, I can’t help but to worry you’re another sucker that got caught up too much on an Internet relationship. Right off the bat, I would seriously be careful about making statements along the lines of “Lets hop in the sack together” to a guy on the Internet you know nothing about. You may think because you have had all these magical phone calls with him that you know every intricate detail of his life, but you definitely don’t. He could be a fucking lunatic and is just being a sweet caring guy on the phone to reel you in. Having friends accompanying you when meeting for the first time is a very good idea. Don’t do it alone, and if your friends pull the pin, you need to pull the pin too. I have known from past experience with myself and friends that people you finally meet from the Internet can be NOTHING like you thought. Just because you talked to his mom, and he gets the “peek time” phone bill doesn’t mean he didn’t dick ten other girls that same week, all from the Internet. Also, although every person has their own opinion as to what ages are right for a couple to be going out or having sex…There is an ALARMING age gap between you two. You need to exercise extreme caution. This guy should really be talking and hanging out with chicks older then you…And the fact that he isn’t might indicate some problems in him. Think long and hard about what I have said when deciding what to do and then when your actually doing what you decided upon. That’s life!
“Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,” the divorce court judge said, “And I’ve decided to give your wife $775 a week.” “That’s very fair, your honor.” the husband said “And every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself!”.
“I am only 15 but I always have the urge to use my mums vibrator. I use almost everyday. Whenever she leaves the house I go straight to her room and use it without even thinking. I gives me excellent pleasure and I love it. Should I be using it??? I’m not a virgin and I have been using it from age 11.”
Yeee haaaa!!! Kellie, lets be serious here for half a second if we can… You mean to say you’ve already been dicked by some guy prior to the ripe old age of 15, and you’re worried about a bit of vibrator action? Reading your consultation it sounds like your really into it… You’ve been buzzing yourself with it for the past four years…Why stop now? Sounds like it keeps you occupied more then often. Just think, Kellie could be holding up corner stores with a sawed off shot gun, jacking cars or even breaking into a stereo store. Instead, she is quietly (or loudly) at home each day having a jolly time with her mothers vibrator. The last few minutes of school must be living hell as you wait ever so patiently for that bell so you can race off home to your mom’s room for a quick (or long) fix. Which brings me to the recommendation that maybe you should consider getting your own tools. Do you REALLY want to use your MOTHERS tools? That’s kind of gross Kellie. Don’t think you have to stroll down to the local red light district to get your equipment. You can order this shit over the internet, mail order, phone. Or even go to one of those tame Condom stores that are popping up everywhere (get it, popping up - ba da ching!), they basically sell condoms with a small collection of other things like dildos and vibrators. So, although its cool to be playing with yourself with a vibrator, GET YOUR OWN GOD DAM TOYS!
A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice that the girl knows just as much about the game as they do, and they’re really impressed. After the game they ask her “how is it that you know so much about baseball?” She says, “Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change.” The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. “What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut off your penis?” “That was very painful, but was not the most painful part.” “Was it when they cut off your balls?” “That was very painful, but was not the most painful part.” “What was the most painful part?” “The part that hurt the most was when they… cut my salary in half!”
“Well I have a very satisfying relationship with my current girlfriend of 5 years and have been faithful for over 4 years, now here’s the problem I have this wonderful opportunity with this great looking women that works in the same building that I do, she knows I’m in a relationship and is fully understanding my situation should I fuck her brains out in the name of mankind or what?”
Common problem you got there Ezra. What guy hasn’t had similar thoughts of porking some hot booty chick at work? Seriously though, look at the situation, you are in a relationship that is long term, you two are having a great time, why fuck it up? If she got some dick action with a guy that she works with, you would be pretty pissed wouldn’t you? Well! Its a two way street buddy. If you want to go around getting busy with people at work, maybe you shouldn’t be in a relationship, or at least not a long term one like your current one. When a relationship goes on for that long its all about trust, commitment to each other and being there for each other. You are pretty well pissing all of those elements into the river if you get it on with this woman at work. If you get busy with her once, it will happen again, and again and before you know it, the whole thing is a big ugly mess. Don’t think for a second you won’t get caught, it will slip eventually man. My suggestion to you is either, enjoy the time you have with her at work, or say game over to your current relationship and let the party begin. That’s life man… |
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Ruth, 16 from Glasgow writes…
Dr Thatslife has this to say…
Ezra, 25 from New York City writes…
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