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A business man and his secretary, overcome with passion, go to his house for what is commonly known as a nooner. “Don’t worry, my wife is out of town on a business trip, there’s no need to worry.” he says to her. One thing leads to another, and the woman reaches into her purse and suddenly gasps, “We have to stop, I forgot to bring birth control!” “No problem,” her lover replies. “I’ll get my wife’s diaphragm.” After several minutes of searching, he returns to the bedroom in a fury. “That bitch!” he exclaims. “She took it with her! I always knew she didn’t trust me!”
“I am 36 years old and so is my fiancée. We have known each other 4 years and lived together for 3. She is fun, interesting, serious, and committed to me. What more could a guy ask for? The problem is this: she is giving, thoughtful, and devoted to me in all aspects when she initiates the action. For example, if she notices I am troubled she will want to help, be supportive, get to the bottom of it. However, if she is troubled, unhappy, etc she will not disclose at all, and will put me off with catchphrases (don’t worry-it is temporary, etc). More troubling is the pattern that if I ask for something, like to discuss an issue or to work on some differences she initially shuts down completely and if I persist, I will inevitably be verbally attacked and the discussion will be thwarted. An instance, she recently gave several thousand dollars of her money to an ex-boyfriend (she said lend but it will not be seen again). It was her money but it was being saved for our joint purchase of a house, which will now be delayed. By the way, the ex-boyfriend was in financial distress because he refuses to work, not because of an unexpected calamity. Any attempt to discuss this or similar issues is stonewalled and counter attacked viciously if I persist. (e.g. “you are a selfish, materialistic, pig while I am a generous kind person who assists a friend in need”). This pattern has never wavered in our 4 years. I notice she is the same way with her family who have essentially given up any attempts at serious conversation. I like her but I can see myself becoming like her parents and sisters - retreating and withdrawing from frank and open discussion of any issues, because it gets just too painful and the hope of resolution is virtually non-existent.”
You’re right, she will never see that money again. But I bet it wasn’t the money she was hoping to see again. Giving the money to her ex-boyfriend sounds like she is still hanging on to at least a thread of him. She seems quiet defensive with her verbal attacks, trying to move the spot light onto you with her put downs about being “materialistic” when you talk about it - that’s not a good sign. Especially considering that money was supposed to be put aside to help cultivate a more serious relationship with you, right? It may be an indicator that she is mentally not willing to move forward with what she has with you. The fact that ex-jobless accepted the money means he hasn’t moved on either to some degree (amongst other things in his life most likely). You need to confront her with this situation, and other similar problems as you mentioned and not allow them to close. None of us enjoy dealing with confrontation on things that we have done or are happening to us. But, many of us take to the boxing ring and battle the issue out with the confronter because that’s how things get resolved. These childish shut-downs are her way out from confrontation and she needs to know that things she sweeps under the door matt eventually have to be cleaned from under. Or it will grow to an enormous mass of “under the matt crap”. Unless you take some drastic measures, you are right, this attitude will never change and perhaps get worse. Your consultation says you love her, but that her way of dealing with things is alienating important people in her life, including you. I know it is difficult dealing with this type of person but, try any combination of the following points to get these situations leaning more towards your favor…
Peter, you need to look at this as a major character issue - and if you cannot correct it, whether you really want to deal with it. Look at it this way, she is 36, most likely isn’t going to change a great deal (she has had her whole life to perfect her way of reacting to these situations) and this type of attitude most likely encompasses other parts of her thinking too. It sounds as though she can be a very caring person, but also uses that self-proclaimed relentless giving and love that she sprinkles around the known universe to deflect criticism. Work on this issue with her using the points above, be persistent in your efforts to resolve or at least talk about issues, show less acceptance of the behavior and if it doesn’t start to improve, ask yourself whether you want this quality in a life long partner. That’s Life!
Q. What is the definition of the perfect woman? A. A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Q. Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat? A. They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.
We’ve all seen good and bad examples of car stereos. Now you have our new ranking system to best describe them. Even if you’re not into the car stereo ’scene’, you can still tell the difference between guys riding around with a try hard sound system and one that is flat out bodacious. Our ranking system is based on star ratings from 5 stars being truly an awesome event which you will never forget, to 1 star, something bad enough you wish you could forget. In a way you may find it amusing but in the end they are in fact quite descriptive and you can use them with friends so they know exactly what you’re talking about when describing someone’s car stereo. 1 STAR - Desperation on Wheels Wow that chick jogging past me has her earphones up loud - I can almost make out the song pla… Hold on a second, that isn’t her, that’s the shitty 80’s something hatchback parked across from me with some doofus driver that’s dressed like he’s out of a B rated version of Boyz N The Hood. Characteristics: Those 4 full range factory speakers are being pushed way past their limit, crackling and popping more than a bowl of Rice Krispies. You could get better musical fidelity out of a megaphone at a track and field event. Look for the hanging pine air freshener and a heavily faded Garfield doll suction cupped to the back window. 2 STARS - Tincan Man Hahaha, what’s that sound? Oh shit! Its right beside me! I could probably spit louder (and hopefully hit their car). Sounds like the car beside me has it up “pretty loud” (cough cough)… Maybe I should warn him about the possibility of hearing loss, he must be pushing, ohh, 85dB!!! Hahaha! Characteristics: Usually a level up from a stock system, with a “power booster EQ” under the glove box. Full volume, you’re witnessing popping sounds and distortion like the music is being played through a sand pipe! Look for the KENWOOD sticker on the back window. Even better, look for an ALPINE sticker and then see if the car actually HAS any ALPINE gear in it hahaha. 3 STARS - The Juvenile Committee What is that? Surely that’s not another car going by playing “Another Night” by Real McCoy? Shit, it is! An awful lot of crappy treble coming out of that car. Ahhh that’s because its got a row of… FOUR 6×9’s on the back shelf!?!?! As the car goes by you can see the LOUD light glowing on the tape deck. But that’s funny, there isn’t any bass… I could have sworn there was a bass line in that song? Why does that guy have his head hanging out the window looking for people to notice the car? I only did accidentally. Also notice the absurd collection of stuff hanging off the rear view mirror, how dire! Characteristics: No bass, an abundance of treble, not a terrible amount of distortion but this is only because they got the volume one notch below total catastrophic melt down. 4 STARS - Rolling Disco Someone’s out with their sound system turned up and windows down! But where? Ohhh, I heard it from that far? Geez, if my ears are in pain, what about that guy in the back seat scratching on the windows trying to get out! The power cable running from the battery to the amps is probably thicker than my leg! Characteristics: Bass notes are pronounced and hard hitting, but aren’t knocking you over. Treble is reallllyyy loud which seems to be trying to make up for the muddy mids? Hmmmmm. Watch for the Knight Rider alarm light blinking back and forth on the dash! 5 STARS - The Earthquake Epicentre WHAT is that sound? An earth quake? Horrendous storm? The arrival of God? You drop to your knees and pray in anticipation of God’s arrival, only to realize that the colossal amount of sound waves relentlessly pounding your body are in fact someone’s car! Oh my! Struggling to stand back up, you brush the dust off your knees, experiencing severe disorientation and an unsettling combination of nausia and being on the fringe of an orgasm. It is hard to tell how badly your ears are bleeding because your vision is so blurred from the bass lines. But the bits of ear drum in your hands are an indicator things aren’t good. Wonder if the guy in the car is human? Characteristics: This car is a mandatory head turner that will have a special place in your heart for your remaining days alive. The car’s subwoofers give you a pressure sensation in your chest only equalled by the astounding levels of spine tingling treble. Basically a live concert for everyone within several city blocks.
Q. What is the definition of a menstrual period? A. A bloody waste of fucking time.
A man in a bar sees a friend at a table, drinking by himself. Approaching the friend, he comments, “You look terrible. What’s the problem?” “My mother died in June, and left me $10,000.” said the friend. “Gee, that’s tough,” he replied. “Then in July,” the friend continued, “My father died, leaving me $50,000.” The man looking concerned says, “Wow. Two parents gone in two months. No wonder you’re depressed.” The friend continues, “And last month my aunt died, and left me $15,000.” “Three close family members lost in three months??? How sad!!!” “Then this month…” continued, the friend, “Nothing! Not a single dime!”
“Chantal and I were going out for almost a year. Towards the end she was getting way too clingy for my liking, always calling me, wanting to know where I was, who I was with and why. To the point where I gave up on her and broke it off. That was about 4 months ago and she is STILL calling me, coming to my door, leaving voicemails, paging me, all to get us back together again - it never ends. Even to the point where she has purposely gone out to destroy dates I am having with other women. I have no interest in dating Chantal again I have tried to make that clear to her a number of times. I tell her, “I just don’t want to talk to you right now.” and walk away or hang up or whatever it takes to get away from her. So my question is, I want her out of my life, how do I get her to leave me ALONE!!!”
It pisses me off just hearing about it, she REALLY needs to let go. And to invade your dates like that is ridiculous, I can see why you dropped her. Its all in how you react to her continual barrage of appearances in your life. The most crucial thing is your language and how, what and when you say things to her. The next time she calls or talks to you in person, don’t tell her “I don’t want to talk to you right now!” that invites the possibility in her mind that you MAY want to talk to her in the FUTURE. You need to create NO FUTURE, tell her “I have absolutely no interest whatsoever in having you in my life, there is no chance we will get back together, please leave me alone.” You’re thinking, shit Dr Thatslife, that’s tough. Yes it is Norman, but nice doesn’t work in these situations and no matter what you do you are going to hurt feelings. She will analyze anything you say for any possibilities of hope - if you don’t give her that hope in what you say, it may finally dawn on her that the show is over. After that point, if she persists, completely ignore her. She’s running up to you trampling over people and park benches along the way, what do you do? Turn the other way and IGNORE. No small talk about how, “I’m late for work, gotta go.” or “MAYBE we can talk later”, nothing, just walk! Remember “MAYBE”, “LATER” and “NOT NOW” all mean to her that there is still a possibility in the future that you WILL want to talk to her. Any response you give her for that matter, shows that you are still paying attention to what she says or does - you don’t want that. You want to come across as an emotionless prick that doesn’t care less. I know it sounds heartless, but she needs to detach herself from you and move on in life. It is encompassing too much of her daily life and thought cycles. So, it is time you be assertive and let her know all her attempts will fail by an initial strong discussion with her, and after that completely ignore her. If not immediately successful, over time it will most likely make her move on. Its tough, but you both need your own separate lives back, take the initiative and make that happen. Unfortunately, that’s life!
Q. What’s the definition of mixed emotions? A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. What do you do in case of fallout? A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes. |
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Peter, 36 from Victoria, Canada writes…
Dr Thatslife has this to say…
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