Rude Limericks

There once was a fellow McSweeny,
who spilled some gin on his weenie,
just to be couth,
he added vermouth,
then slipped his girlfriend a martini.

Twas a crazy old man called O’Keef,
who caused local farmers much grief,
to their cows he would run,
cut their legs off for fun,
and say “Look, I’ve invented ground beef!”

There once was a man from Madrass,
whose balls were made out of brass,
when he’d bang ‘em together,
they’d play stormy weather,
and lightning would shoot out of his ass.

There once was a man from Bonaire,
who was doing his wife on the stair,
when the banister broke,
he doubled his stroke,
and finished her off in midair.

There once was a man from bombay,
who fashioned a cunt outta clay,
the heat from his prick,
turned it to brick,
and scowered his foreskin away.

There once was a girl named Tristan,
whose beer that she ordered was was pissed in,
she said “I don’t think”,
as she spit out her drink,
“On the menu that this one was listed.”

A young man whose sight was myopic,
thought sex an incredible topic,
so poor were his eyes,
that despite its great size,
his penis appeared microscopic.

There was a young tart from Southend,
who tried lesbian sex with her friend,
with a moan and a grunt,
she licked her mates cunt,
and loved the experience to the end.

There was a young Lady called tart,
who felt she needed to fart,
she stepped outside,
and to her surprise,
blew over a horse and cart.

There once was an artist named Saint,
who swallowed some samples of paint,
all shades of the spectrum,
flowed out of his rectum,
with a colourful lack of restraint.