Rude Limericks

The lass I brought home was a prize,
with an alluring set of blue eyes,
her breasts, so well kept,
were what I’d expect,
but her penis was quite a surprise.

There was an old man from China,
Who wasn’t a very good climber,
He fell on a rock,
Split his cock,
And now he’s got a vagina.

There was a young lady named Mandel,
who caused quite a neighborhood scandal,
by coming out bare,
in the main village square,
and penetrating herself with a lit candle.

There was a young lady from Leith,
who would circumcise men with her teeth,
it wasn’t for fame,
or love of the game,
but to get at the cheese underneath.

There was a young vampire called mable,
whose periods were always quite stable,
at every full moon,
she took out a spoon,
and drank herself under the table.

There once was a fellow O’Doole,
who found little red spots on his tool,
his doctor a cynic,
said get out of me clinic,
and wipe off that lipstick you fool!

There was a man from Kent,
who had a penis so long it bent,
it was so much trouble,
that he kept it double,
and instead of coming he went.

There once was a plumber from Lee,
who was plumbing his girl by the sea,
she said “Stop your plumbing”,
“there’s somebody coming”,
said the plumber still plumbing… “It’s me!”

There once was a fellow McSweeny,
who spilled some gin on his weenie,
just to be couth,
he added vermouth,
then slipped his girlfriend a martini.

Twas a crazy old man called O’Keef,
who caused local farmers much grief,
to their cows he would run,
cut their legs off for fun,
and say “Look, I’ve invented ground beef!”