Rude Limericks

There once was a girl named Louise,
whose cunt-hair hung down to her knees,
so the crabs in her twat
tied the hair in a knot,
and constructed a flying trapeze.

There once was a pirate from Yates,
who could dance the Fandango on skates,
he fell on his cutlass,
which rendered him nut-less,
and perfectly useless on dates.

There was a young fellow named Biddle,
who was seldom hard up for a diddle,
and according to rumor,
his tool had a tumor,
and a fine row of warts down the middle.

There once was a girl from Whick,
who said to her Mum “What’s a dick?”,
she said “My dear Annie,
it goes up your fanny,
and jumps up and down till it’s sick.”

There once was a man with a member,
that would only stand up in December,
he said, “It’s too cold,
for a boner so bold,
I wish it would work in September!”

There once was a man from Brighton
Who said to his girl, “You’re a tight one.”
She said, “Pardon my soul,
but you’re in the wrong hole.
There’s plenty of room in the right one.”

There was a young man from Savannah,
who met his end in a curious manner,
he whittled a hole,
in a telephone pole,
and electrified his banana.

There once was a man named Mort,
whose dick was incredibly short,
when he climbed into bed,
his lady friend said,
“That’s not a dick it’s a wart!”

There was a young lady from China,
who had an enormous vagina,
and when she was dead,
they painted it red,
and used it for docking a liner.

There once was a witch from Azores,
whose ass was all covered with sores,
as she walked down the street,
the dogs leapt at the meat,
that hung in great gobs from her drawers.