Rude Limericks

In the garden of Eden sat Adam,
massaging the bust of his madam,
he chuckled with mirth,
for he knew that on earth,
there were only two boobs and he had ‘em.

There was a young chap from out yonder,
who buggered a big anaconda,
he regretted this crime,
for the rest of his time,
while the reptile grew fonder and fonder.

An agreeable girl named Miss Doves,
likes to jack off the young men she loves,
she will use her bare fist,
if the fellows insist,
but she really prefers to wear gloves.

There was an old hooker named Chariff,
who let out a monstrous queef,
with the grace of a swan,
she said to her John,
“Does anyone else smell roast beef?”

I once knew a lass from Tacoma,
whose twat had a wondrous aroma,
when the lads took a whiff,
about half would get stiff,
the rest would fall into a coma.

There once was a man from Pompei,
who fashioned a snatch out of clay,
the heat from his prick,
turned the clay into brick,
and tore all his foreskin away.

There once was a Rabbi of Keith,
who circumsized men with his teeth,
it was not for the treasure,
nor sexual pleasure,
but to get at the cheese underneath.

There was a young harlot from Kew,
who filled her vagina with glue,
she said with a grin,
“If they pay to get in,
they’ll pay to get out of it, too.”

There once was a vampire named Mable,
whose periods were really quite stable,
and every full moon,
she’d get out a spoon,
and drink herself under the table.

There was a young woman named Sally,
who loved an occasional dally,
she sat on the lap,
of a well endowed chap,
and said “You’re right up my alley!”