Rude Limericks

There was an old man from Gosham,
who took out his balls to wash ’em,
his wife said “Jack!,
if you don’t put ‘em back,
I’ll stand on the fuckers and squash ’em!”

There was a young fellow named Paul,
who couldn’t rely on his ring-piece at all,
when he sat on the loo,
it went slightly askew,
and splattered some poo on the wall.

There once was a lass called Louise,
who’s cunt smelt like Limburger Cheese,
she leaked so much grunge,
that she purchased a sponge,
that sopped up the muck to her knees.

There was a young man from Bombay,
who shagged 20 chickens a day,
he wouldn’t stop fucking,
till they all started clucking,
then he’d eat all the eggs that they lay.

There once was a man from Leeds,
who swallowed a packet of seeds,
within half an hour,
his dick was a flower,
and his balls were all covered with weeds.

There was a young girl named Sapphire,
who succumbed to her lover’s desire,
she said “It’s a sin,
but now that it’s in,
could you shove it a few inches higher?”

There was a young girl from Hong Kong,
whose cervical cap was a gong,
she said with a yell,
as a shot rang her bell,
“I’ll give you a ding for a dong!”

There once was a lady from Reno,
who lost all her cash playing keno,
so she laid on her back,
opened her crack,
and now she owns the casino.

There was a young girl named Denise
Who’s pubes hung down to her knees
The crabs got together
To knit her a sweater
So in winter her twat wouldn’t freeze.

There was an old man from Harrow,
who tried to have sex with a sparrow,
the sparrow said “No,
you can’t have a go,
as the hole in my arse is too narrow.”