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Dirty Jokes

Our benchmark collection of disgustingly filthy jokes are great for everything from livening up that depressing funeral procession to breaking the ice with your tax auditor. Whatever the occasion, you can stoop to new lows when you’re high on our dirty jokes!


Dirty Jokes

Pall Bearers Joke

Posted May 28th, 2012 at 12:52 am in Dirty Jokes

A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive. She lives for ten more years, and then dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pall bearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, “Watch out for the fucking wall!”



Dirty Jokes

Three Kings Joke

Posted April 20th, 2012 at 1:11 am in Dirty Jokes

Little Bobby was sitting in class when the teacher asked him “Can you tell me the name of three great kings who have brought happiness and joy into people’s lives?” To which little Bobby replied “Smo-king, Drin-king and Fuc-king”.



Dirty Jokes

Sportsman’s Double Joke

Posted April 8th, 2012 at 8:41 am in Dirty Jokes

A guy ends up with an older woman at a bar last. She looked pretty good for a 55-year-old. In fact, she wasn’t too bad at all, and he found himself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. They drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I’d ever had a “Sportsman’s Double”? “What’s that?” the guy asked. “It’s a mother and daughter threesome.” she said.

As the guy’s mind began to embrace the idea, and he wondered what her daughter might look like, he said, “No, I haven’t.” They drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, “tonight’s your lucky night.” They hopped into a taxi and went back to her place. When they arrived back at her place and they walked into the front door, she turned on the hall light and shouted upstairs “Mom… you still awake?”



Dirty Jokes

Different Ideas Joke

Posted March 21st, 2012 at 12:05 am in Dirty Jokes

I’m about three years into my relationship now and I’ve started to have erection difficulties. My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is. She bought me some Viagra, and I’ve bought her a treadmill.



Dirty Jokes

Secrets To A Happy Marriage Joke

Posted March 2nd, 2012 at 8:20 pm in Dirty Jokes

It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans. It is important to find a woman that makes good money. It is important to find a woman that loves to have sex. And MOST importantly… It is important that these three women never meet.



Dirty Jokes

Wife’s Photo Joke

Posted February 14th, 2012 at 6:13 am in Dirty Jokes

A man is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock at the front door. He opens it to find two sheriff’s deputies there. He asks if there is a problem. One of the deputies asks if he is married. The man replies, “Yes, I am.” The deputy then asks if he could see a picture of the man’s wife. The guy says, “Sure…” and gets a photo to show them. The deputy says, “I’m sorry, sir. But it looks like your wife’s been hit by a truck.” The guy replies, “I know, but she has a great personality and is an excellent cook.”



Dirty Jokes

Tourist From Bulgaria Joke

Posted February 8th, 2012 at 3:37 pm in Dirty Jokes

A tourist from Bulgaria visits the United States on his first overseas trip. Upon arrival at the Immigration desk, he is visibly puzzled filling out his visa application. The immigration officer looks over the man’s shoulder, and sees the tourist trying to write “Twice a week” into the small space labeled “SEX”.

The officer explains “No, no, no… that isn’t what we mean by this question. We are asking ‘Male’ or ‘Female’.”

“Does it matter?” the tourist answers.



Dirty Jokes

Virgin Old Maid Joke

Posted December 9th, 2011 at 2:18 pm in Dirty Jokes

In a tiny village lived an old maid. In spite of her old age, she was still a virgin. She was very proud of it. She knew her last days were getting closer, so she told the local undertaker that she wanted the following inscription on her tombstone:

“Born as a virgin, lived as a virgin, died as a virgin.”

Not long after, the old maid died peacefully, and the undertaker told his men what the lady had said. The men went to carve it in, but as the bastards they were, they thought the inscription to be unnecessarily long. They simply wrote “Returned unopened.”



Dirty Jokes

Lost Grandson Joke

Posted November 28th, 2011 at 10:55 am in Dirty Jokes

A small grandson that was shopping with his grandfather got lost in the mall.

The boy approached a uniformed security guard and said, “I’ve lost my grandpa!”

The guard asked, “What’s his name?” The boy replied, “Grandpa.”

The guard smiles, then asks “What’s he like?” to which the little tyke hesitated for a moment and replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big tits.”



Dirty Jokes

What Sex Is Called Joke

Posted November 25th, 2011 at 10:57 am in Dirty Jokes

Sex with 3 people is called a threesome.
Sex with 2 people is called a twosome.
That explains why they call you handsome!





 


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