Jokes Palace » Dirty Jokes

Drunk Giraffe Joke

Jerkoff — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 14:54:08 +0000

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and they proceed to get blitzed. The giraffe drinks so much it passes out on the floor. The man gets up and heads for the door to leave when the bartender yells, “Hey! You can’t leave that lyin’ there!” The drunk replies, “That’s not a lion! It’s a giraffe.”

Severe Stress Disorder Joke

Jerkoff — Mon, 25 Aug 2008 15:04:03 +0000

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t do the following, your husband will surely die.” The doctor continued, “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging. And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week. If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.” On the way home, the husband asked his wife. “What did the doctor say?” To which his wife responded, “He said you’re going to die.”

Extra Large Condoms Joke

Jerkoff — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 13:21:56 +0000

A woman walks into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he sells size extra large condoms. He replies, “Yes we do. Would you like to buy some?” She responds, “No sir, but do you mind if I wait around here until someone does?”

Gynecologist Trip Joke

Jerkoff — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 21:05:35 +0000

This lady goes to the gynecologist but won’t tell the receptionist what’s wrong with her, just that she must see a doctor. After hours of waiting, the doctor sees her in. “Ok my good woman what is your problem?” the doctor asks. “Well, she says, my husband is a very compulsive gambler and every nickel he can get his hands on he gambles. So I had five hundred dollars and I stuffed it in my vagina, but now I can’t get it out.” The doctor says, “Don’t be nervous, I see this happen all the time.” He asks her to pull down her underwear, sits her down with her legs wide open, puts his gloves on and says “I only have one question… What am I looking for? Bills or loose change?”

Two Hookers Joke

Jerkoff — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 21:42:15 +0000

Two hookers were on a street corner. They started discussing business, and one of the hookers said, “Gonna be a good night, I smell cock in the air.” The other hooker looked at her and said, “No, I just burped.”

Bad Day Joke

Jerkoff — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 22:25:57 +0000

A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying. The officer stops and approaches the guy. “What’s going on here?” he asks. The guy sobs, “I was driving along and picked up a hitchhiker. He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car then tied me up to this tree and then left.” The cop studied the guy for a moment, pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick. “I guess this isn’t your lucky day, pal.”

Blind Boy Joke

Jerkoff — Fri, 25 Jul 2008 19:53:42 +0000

A young blind boy is being tucked into bed by his mother. The mom says “Now Billy, pray really hard tonight and tomorrow, your wish will come true!”. Billy says, “Ok mommy.” and goes to sleep. The next morning, Billy wakes up and screams “MOMMY! I’m still blind, my wish didn’t come true!”, the mom answered, “I know - April Fools!”

Discussing Women Joke

Jerkoff — Tue, 22 Jul 2008 21:01:20 +0000

Three guys are discussing women. “I like to see a woman’s tits best.” the first guy says. The second says “I like to look at a woman’s ass.” Both guys turn to the third guy and ask ”What about you?” to which he replies ”Me? I prefer to see the top of her head.”

Wife Killing Joke

Jerkoff — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 17:54:16 +0000

This fellow comes into a pharmacy and asks for a vial of Cyanide. The pharmacist, trying to keep a professional posture, asked what he wanted it for. He answered, “I want to kill my wife.” “I’m sorry Sir,” the pharmacist replied, “but you will have to understand under such circumstances I can’t sell you any Cyanide.” The guy reaches into his wallet and produces a photo of his wife. The pharmacist looks at the photo of the ugliest woman he has ever seen, blushes and replies, “I am sorry Sir, let me get it for you… I didn’t realize you had a prescription.”

Smartly Dressed Woman Joke

Jerkoff — Mon, 14 Jul 2008 16:04:12 +0000

A man walks into a bar. He sees a good looking, smartly dressed woman perched on a bar stool. He walks up behind her and says “Hi there good looking, how’s it going?”

She turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says “Listen, I’ll screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, it doesn’t matter. I’ve been doing it ever since I got out of college. I just flat out love it.” To which he says “No kidding? I’m a lawyer too! What firm are you with?”